How to Pick a Mate: The Guide to a Happy Marriage

by Clifford R. Adams; Vance Packard

ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE?

The first thing many counselors like to find out when people come to them about the possibility of marrying is to find out whether they are actually in love. Here are some questions which quickly disclose whether a person is afflicted with the real thing or is just infatuated by good looks and sex appeal. Answer each question truthfully regardless of what you think the correct answer should be.

1.	Do you have a great number of things that you like to do together?	Yes	No
2.	Do you have a feeling of pride when you compare your friend to any other you have known?	Yes	No
3.	Do you feel you need to apologize for certain things about him?	Yes	No
4.	Do you suffer from a feeling of unrest when away from him or her?	Yes	No
5.	Have you a strong desire to please him or her and are you quite glad to give way on your own preferences?	Yes	No
6.	Do you have any difficulty carrying on a conversation with each other?	Yes	No
7.	Even when you quarrel do you still enjoy being together?	Yes	No
8.	Do you actually want to marry this person?	Yes	No
9.	Would you be afraid to trust him or her in the presence of another attractive person of your own sex for an evening?	Yes	No
10.	Does he or she have the qualities you would like to have in your children?	Yes	No
11.	Do your friends and associates mostly admire this person and think he, or she, would be a good match for you?	Yes	No
12.	Do you ever wonder if he, or she, is faithful?	Yes	No
13.	Do your parents think you are in love? (They are very discerning about such things.)	Yes	No
14.	Have you started planning, at least in your own mind, what kind of wedding, children, and home you will have?	Yes	No
15.	Are you conscious of being jealous of him, or her?	Yes	No
16.	Is this person attractive to you not only in appearance but in the way he talks, acts and thinks?	Yes	No
17.	Do you approve generally of each other’s friends?	Yes	No
18.	Do you wonder if he, or she, is being sincere in what he tells you?	Yes	No
19.	Do you have a wealth of things to discuss and do together?	Yes	No
20.	When outside trouble develops for one of you does the crisis tend to pull you together rather than apart?	Yes	No
21.	Are there many things on which you disagree?	Yes	No
22.	Do you find that in thinking of the future it is always in terms of two rather than of yourself alone?	Yes	No
23.	Can you imagine how he or she will appear at 40 and still feel as deeply attached to him as before?	Yes	No
24.	Do you have serious doubts about your love for him?	Yes	No

If you have a perfect score you answered every third question (3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24) with No and all the others with Yes. Did you have twenty or more “correct” answers? If so, we would judge you to be solidly in love. If you did not, you should be skeptical until you receive further proof.

Chapter V
Growing Up Sexually

Your ability to undertake marriage successfully has already been determined in large part before you even start. It has been determined by experiences you have had with sex generally and with the opposite sex particularly. Possibly you are already seriously handicapped by repressions and fears on the subject.

To ignore or fear sex is no more sensible than to ignore any of the other emotions you possess. Sexual desire is a natural desire. Without it your personality would become impoverished. Without it there would be few marriages. Without it there would be few children and few homes. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of or be whispered about.

You can have love without sex and sex without love but neither alone is very satisfying or enriching. For example many men are capable of sexual activity with women for whom they could find no pleasure in social associations. Were it not for this fact there would be no prostitution. Likewise it is true there are many wives who love their husbands and engage in sexual activity with them, but without feeling any sexual urge whatsoever and without feeling any physical satisfaction.

The ideal arrangement, however, is that in which the two people have genuine love and affection for each other and at the same time have strong sex desire for each other and find sexual satisfaction in each other.