When applied to your situation, it involves these four stages in winning a mate: First, the prospective mate’s attention must be directed toward you. Upon noticing you, he must see something that will arouse his interest. Then he must be stimulated to have a desire to know you better. When desire is aroused sufficiently, action (agreement to marry) results.
There are, of course, many approaches to attracting a person’s attention. A man has more liberties here in making himself seen than a girl but let’s consider some of the socially-approved approaches a girl can make. She can arrange for relatives, friends and social and business acquaintances to introduce men to her. In this her role can appear passive. Or she can use the be-where-men-are approach by attending parties, meetings and community affairs which by their very nature bring her into contact with men.
After winning the person’s attention—whether you are a man or a girl—the best way to arouse his or her interest is through conversation—and not just any conversation. Here out of the whole universe is one person before you. What kind of person is he or she? What are his or her interests? Unharness your curiosity and ask friendly, tactful questions. And you should make it clear that you regard the person’s answers as worth-while. Emphasize the you with such questions as “What do you think about ...” or “Your idea is the most sensible I’ve heard yet.” Whether you are male or female, learn to be a good listener, or rather a good interrogator. Lead the person into topics he or she seems to relish discussing, and if you see frowns or looks of discomfort change the subject.
Jim may be very much interested in photography. He will like you if you ask him questions about his photography, whether he develops his own pictures, the kind of camera he has, the unusual pictures he has taken. However, you must use insight. Nana may be an expert stenographer but may not be very proud of her vocation and so would be more appreciative of questions about her taste in clothes, about the different places she has lived, the books she has enjoyed reading, the movie stars she likes, the places she has visited.
If you are a congenial conversationalist you have undoubtedly gone a long ways toward arousing the interest of this person whose attention you have. Now if you are still interested, begin asking more personal questions about the person’s background. Perhaps this does not come until after several dates. The aim is to arouse in this person a desire to know you still better. Tell him the things you admire in the opposite sex. Intimate that you are sure he must be very popular. By attributing such a personality to him, you create in him a desire to know you better! Once this desire is firmly created, a courtship has begun that may very well lead to the altar.
What traits do people especially look for in mates? One study of college women and college men found these traits to be mentioned most often:
| GIRLS WANT IN MEN | MEN WANT IN GIRLS | |
| Congeniality | Intelligence | |
| Intelligence | Beauty of form and figure | |
| Companionship | Congenial companionship | |
| “Handsome” form and features | Neatness | |
| Wit | Appealing dress | |
| Good nature | Good sportsmanship | |
| Neatness | Modesty | |
| Sincerity | Good morals | |
| Dependability | Sincerity | |
| Good sportsmanship | Wit | |
| Sex appeal | Sense of humor | |
| Flexibility | Sex appeal | |
| Good morals | Honesty | |
| Honesty | Truthfulness | |
| Good manners | Friendliness |
At Penn State students were asked for the qualities they were looking for in their future mate and a quite different list resulted. They wanted their mate to have:
| Honesty | Good health |
| Affection | Love for children |
| Cleanliness | Same religion |
| Sense of humor | Neatness |
| “Good background” | Have character |