How to Pick a Mate: The Guide to a Happy Marriage

by Clifford R. Adams; Vance Packard

Here is a final check-list on compatibility, primarily for a person who took the tests in Chapter XI by himself. This test, which can be taken by either a man or woman, provides you with a rough gauge for determining whether the person you are dating might make a good mate for you. If you are a man, change questions to read “she” instead of “he.”

1.	Are you two about equally sociable? That is, are you both either gadabouts or both stay-at-homes?	Yes	No
2.	Are you both stern-minded, with high ideals, or else are you both broadminded and practical?	Yes	No
3.	Does he find satisfaction and reward in his work?	Yes	No
4.	Is he over 20, under 40, and not divorced?	Yes	No
5.	Is he regarded by acquaintances as a solidly dependable person not given to excuse-making and sly lies?	Yes	No
6.	Have you been dating steadily for two years or longer?	Yes	No
7.	Has your dating been relatively free from quarrels?	Yes	No
8.	Do you and your mate have much the same beliefs and attitudes about religion?	Yes	No
9.	Do both sets of parents favor this marriage?	Yes	No
10.	Did he attend Sunday school regularly until he was at least 18?	Yes	No
11.	Is he in good physical health?	Yes	No
12.	Do you two have about the same emotional responsiveness or warmth of passion?	Yes	No
13.	Was he free of conflict with his parents and did they discipline him firmly but not harshly?	Yes	No
14.	Were his parents happily married?	Yes	No
15.	Is he free of jealousy and suspicion?	Yes	No
16.	Does he have a calm, even temperament, especially if you are one to fly off the handle quickly?	Yes	No
17.	Do you both have a healthy attitude toward sex? (That is, are you neither disgusted nor morbidly concerned with it?)	Yes	No
18.	Is he a temperate person not given to heavy drinking?	Yes	No
19.	Are you two fairly close together somewhere in the broad middle zone between being timid and reckless?	Yes	No
20.	Do you both think you want children?	Yes	No

If each had sixteen yes answers or more to the above questions, then your romance would seem to be on fairly solid ground. However, after you have taken the test, then go back and compare the two sets of answers on all the questions. If each had seventeen yes’s or more, and if there was mutual agreement, that is, if both had the same yes answers to at least fifteen of the questions, then it would appear that your marriage is not so mixed that it cannot be made to work.

Chapter XIII
Beware of Mixed Marriages

The “Mixed” marriage is any marriage in which great differences exist between the husband and wife, particularly differences of culture or religious training. You also have a “mixed” marriage if there are decided differences of personality, of intelligence, of education, of age, of race or nationality, of social culture or of economic status.

Suppose there are great differences. That’s what makes life interesting, some people say. Differences may be “interesting” but if they are really fundamental they can form a gulf between the two mates that will make happiness difficult to achieve. It is the conviction of the authors—based upon a study of hundreds of happy and miserable marriages—that the more a man and girl have in common the more likely they will enjoy being married.

One of the factors that seems to have great importance in making a marriage work is the congeniality of the two persons. This congeniality must be built upon the things they have in common. The more things they have in common and the fewer the differences, the greater the likelihood of congeniality. And the greater the ease with which the two can talk over their mutual problems fully, frankly, and understandingly. The success of a marriage depends upon the total adjustment the two personalities can make to each other. Even where couples are highly compatible far-reaching adjustments must be made. When to the normal differences you add fundamental differences of background, the sheer problems of adjustment will add a severe strain to the union.

Suppose the two people do bridge the gulf between themselves. There will be great differences between their two sets of parents that may present problems. And there will be the differences between their two sets of friends. No couple lives completely alone. Two mates not only take each other for better or worse but also they must take with them the parents and friends of the other.

Take two cases with which we are familiar. They are typical of the cases in the files of any marriage counselor. (Their real names, of course, are not used.)