The Alibi Artist. Beware of the excuse-maker. Alibi-making is not mentally healthy. In fact it is one of the early signs of emotional confusion and mental deterioration. If a man or girl sees in the other during courtship indications that excuse-making is an ingrained habit, he would do well to break off the courtship and seek a mate elsewhere.
That may sound like a harsh way to deal with the purveyor of “little white lies” and excuses but it has been clearly established that such a person is a very bad marriage risk. The individual usually excuses his own lack of accomplishment or ability by projecting the blame for his failures on other people. Bit by bit this projection becomes devastating.
Continued excuse-making gradually brings the individual closer and closer to the gulf that divides the real from the imaginary, the sane from the insane. In its most pronounced form it is paranoia, a type of insanity.
The alibi artist has little respect for the truth, cannot be predicted, evades his obligations and is generally not dependable. The test designed to measure this tendency to alibi, which psychologists call “tendency to rationalize,” has already been discussed. The victim rationalizes or excuses his own conduct. The amazing thing is that this one test is an extremely accurate device to predict, by itself, marriage happiness or failure. Investigations have established that persons obtaining low scores in that one test have consistently proved to be unsatisfactory mates in marriage.
No husband ever gets conditioned to excuses for the lateness of meals, the unmade beds, the buttons that have not been sewn on. He doesn’t resent the inconveniences as much as he resents the wife’s constant excuses for failure to show some improvement.
The Escapist. The escapist is a close relative of the alibier, but somewhat more honest. He finds himself unable to cope with his everyday problem of living in a modern world so he turns and flees from them. This flight may be physical. That is, he may become a hermit or may go into the armed forces where he can shed all responsibilities for directing his own life. But more often nowadays the flight is into a dream world, via narcotics or alcohol.
Heavy drinking is steadily becoming more serious. Many distillers are even urging moderation in their advertisements. It is not merely on a moral basis that marriage counselors will warn you to shun the heavy drinker. As a husband or wife he’s a hard person to live with. And marriage rarely cures dipsomania or any other mania. So don’t think you can cure a fiancé or fiancée who habitually tipples.
The causes of drunkenness are not too well known but one thing is sure: the habitual use of alcohol is just a symptom of the person’s basic maladjustment to life, and not the cause of the maladjustment. In alcohol he forgets his problems, or imagines that he has found brilliant solutions for them.
The person who drinks excessively is always a psychological problem and an amateur cannot hope to be too successful in tackling it. Even a sanatorium cure brings only temporary relief unless the basic conflicts that impelled him to drink are resolved. Usually very careful counseling of the alcoholic is necessary to uncover his troubles and help him work out a solution for them.