But the bleatings of the overgrown calf from Utah, and the wails of the maiden lady who desires a "flower" for a mate are both eclipsed by the mushy outpourings of a Chicago business man.
This fellow evidently possesses the artistic temperament. Not only is he moved to write prose poetry, "to bay the moon of love," but he insists on inserting illustrative sketches of an ardent wooing.
He has forged the white heat of his passion, which evidently puts Ella Wheeler Wilcox at her fiercest to shame, into pictures. Here we behold him, hand in hand with his beloved, under the kindly stars. There, more prosaic, it is true, but still quite passionate, is the drawing room scene, with the lady seated on his knee. Behold the works of genius when love impels.
The Festive Farm Hand Frivols.
Among the hundreds of applications for a wife Detective Wooldridge found one from Jacob C. Miller, of Martinsville. Pa. Miller filled out the application blank as follows:
- Q. Where born? A. Lancaster, Pa.
- Q. What language do you speak? A. English.
- Q. Nationality? A. White.
- Q. Weight? A. 130.
- Q. Color of eyes? A. Greenish blue.
- Q. Color of hair? A. Brown on a little patch.
- Q. Complexion? A. Fair.
- Q. Circumference of chest? A. 36 inches.
- Q. Circumference of waist? A. 36 inches.
- Q. Circumference of head (just above ears)? A. 13 inches.
- Q. Circumference of neck? A. Wear 15-1/2 collar.
- Q. Profession? A. Farm hand.
- Q. Income per year? A. Nothing.
- Q. Extent of education: common, high school or university? A. Common.
- Q. Do you use tobacco or liquor? A. I use a little tobacco, but no liquor.
- Q. How much real estate do you own? A. Nothing.
- Q. Do any of the pictures we have submitted to you suit, and will you marry? A. Yes, the one with the turned-up nose.
- Q. If we secured you a wife worth $250,000 would you be willing to pay us a small commission for our trouble? A. Yes.
THE FAKER AND THE PRESS.
Some Newspapers Are Buncoed, While Others Willingly Assist Rascals.
Strangely enough, the abomination known as the "matrimonial agency," bureau or what-not, has succeeded in hoodwinking the great American press to a certain extent.
Advertisements appear in leading journals all over the country. Without this the great fraud could not exist ten minutes. There are numberless instances, we are quite sure, where the publishers have no suspicion that they are furthering the cause of scoundrels. In others, we regret to say, the motive for accepting these advertisements is traceable to nothing more or less than just the plain greed of the publisher.