Fern Vale; or, the Queensland Squatter. Volume 2

by Colin Munro

In the rear of the house the young men detected another foliate shed, in which were, secured to some rough stalls, numerous specimens of horse-flesh; while in the vicinity were scattered drays, light spring carts, and even shakey gigs, evidently the conveyances of the various guests. Here our friends left their horses; and judging the best place to present themselves to their host, and where they were most likely to see him, would be the leafy hall, they bent thither their steps. Upon reaching the entrance they perceived the company was being enlivened by the performance of some disciple of Apollo, who was venting forth in a stentorian voice a rendering of "The Maniac;" and when he uttered (as the young men arrested their steps so as not to "disturb the harmony"): "No, by heavens! I am not mad," they really thought he was under the same strange hallucination as the subject of the song, and labouring to deceive himself upon a reality. If he was not mad, they imagined, he was at least bordering on that state; while the whole of his hearers were not far removed from the same, when they tolerated such uproar unworthily dignified by the name of music.

However, when the song ceased, in the midst of the deafening shouts, and clatter of tumblers etc. that followed, William and his companion entered; and at once distinguished the late singer as the individual who sat at the head of the board. This personage was a coarse-looking, red-faced, thick-set fellow; with lowering eyebrows, bushy moustache (though otherwise cleanly shaved face), and hair of an objectionable, though undefinable colour. He was dressed, as far as was perceptible, in a black coat, white waistcoat, and neckerchief, and with an immense frill front to his shirt. He seemed to be exceedingly heated with the exertion of his song; and was drying his face and forehead with a white handkerchief, in which action he was displaying more than one massive ring; adorning fingers, that, to the eyes of our friends, proved experience in more active and manual employment than military discipline would be likely to require. He sat smiling complacently at his friends, as one who was conscious of having displayed the possession of a valuable talent; and, though gratified by the adulation of his hearers, he took it as a just homage, and as a proof that they were not destitute of a phrygian taste; or at least could appreciate music, when they heard it in perfection, as when he himself sang.

This individual, our friends rightly judged, was Captain Jones. On his right sat his lady, the quondam Miss Sawyer, and on his left her worthy papa. Whether the young lady was enchanted by the lyric strains of her lord, or not, we are at a loss to say; notwithstanding that we know she was possessed of what she called a "pihanner," and had a soul for music, having on various occasions accompanied herself on that instrument to the immense delight of her admiring friends. She might have been actuated in her lengthened sitting by motives of a protective character, to preserve her husband from a too free libation; or, it might have been, that she felt happy in no other society but his. Either of which reasons were sufficiently cogent, though we are unable to conjecture which might have influenced her. But, be it as it may, there she sat; and, with the exception of her mother, who occupied the foot of the table, she was the only representative of her sex in the assembly.

William and Tom had made their way very nearly up to the head of the table before they were noticed by the host; who, when he perceived them, jumped from his seat, and seizing them each by the hand, expressed all sorts of pleasure at their presence, and formally introduced them to the bold Captain Jones and his lady. The latter having received their congratulations with the most perfect nonchalance, proposed, as the evening was drawing on, that the company should all adjourn to the house; and suiting her motion to her word she sallied from the bower, escorted by our friends, and followed by the bridegroom, and the other "beings of sterner stuff."

In the cottage they were joined by those who had been amusing themselves on the green; and all then sat down to another substantial meal that went by the name of tea. This being despatched, while the rooms were being cleared, the men adjourned to the verandah and grass to smoke, and were joined by some of the women; while the rest assisted in the domestic arrangements inside. These being completed, and the smokers satisfied with "blowing their cloud," they reentered the dwelling, which had in the short space of time they had occupied in the enjoyment of the narcotic weed, become perfectly metamorphosed. The principal room had been converted from la salle á manger to la salle de danse; and its transition had been so speedily effected that the company were quite delighted, and loud in their praises of the effective adornment We are inclined to think, however, more was to be attributed to the spirit that pervaded the company to be pleased with everything than that there was any display of wonderful taste. A few boughs of green foliage were stuck about the walls; and the benches of planks were arranged all round the room, and covered with scarlet blankets; while, by way of chandeliers, and in lieu of candlesticks, bottles, containing "Belmont sperms," were dispersed and stationed on every available stand, by which simple means the lighting and decorating of the hall was completed.

The superior guests (we mean our young friends William and Tom) were led away by "the Captain," who acted as major domo M.C., etc., to a back room; which on ordinary occasions served as the dormitory of Mr. Reuben Sawyer, but on the present was set apart for the especial refreshment of "the gents;" while the bridal apartment in the front was made to endure a similar profanation for the benefit of "the ladies." The Captain, after enjoying another shake of the hand from his visitors, gave vent to his feelings in a rapturous expression of delight at the honour of their patronage; declaring the moment to be the happiest of his life; trusting he should long enjoy the pleasure of their friendship; regretting that their friends had not found it convenient to accompany them; and finally requested them to join him in a drink. Upon receiving an acquiescence to this request, he exclaimed: "What shall it be? Brandy? gin? wine? claret? champagne? Ah, champagne; yes! we will have a bottle of champagne for good fellowship sake." Upon which he took up a bottle and cut the string, when away flew the cork, while he poured the wine into three tumblers. Two of these he pushed over to his guests, while the third he raised to his own lips, with the trite though universal toast of "here's luck," and drained his glass at a draught; while he smacked his lips with the air of a connoisseur, and said: "You'll find that an excellent wine, for I selected it myself. The fellow I bought it from tried to palm some inferior stuff on to me, but it wouldn't do; he did not know I was a judge of wine until I convinced him I was not to be humbugged by any of his rubbish. But to tell you the truth wine is all stuff; it does not do a man any good; it may suit a Frenchman (who has got no blood in him) to drink it; but give me beer or brandy they are the drinks for an Englishman. What'll keep life in a fellow like brandy? the only right thing the French ever did was to make brandy; it's the real stuff to cheer you after all. Try a 'ball,' will you?"

Both William and Tom thanked the enthusiastic Captain, but declined the proffered ball; while he assisted himself to a pretty stiff jorum of the eau de vie, and quaffed it as if it was a really necessary concomitant to his life; after which he said: "Well, suppose then we go into the room to the women; they will be wanting me to start them off in a dance. But have a smoke? here's some cigars if you like them. You know we don't object to smoking in our drawing-room, ah! ah! ah! This is Liberty Hall! for you can do as you like. But excuse me, I must be off; make yourselves perfectly at home." Saying which, and puffing vigorously at a cigar, he left them, while they leisurely sauntered into the verandah in front; from which they could witness the terpsichorean arrangements.

Elevated in a remote corner of the room, was a professional gentleman of the Paganini school; but, unlike that great performer, he was not content to manipulate upon one chord, but continued with strenuous efforts to raise discord on four. His music, if not exactly metrical, was at least spirited, and that was sufficient for the lovers of the "light fantastic," who danced "their allotted hour" with no small degree of delight. As all human happiness must have an end so had the enjoyment of these merrymakers; and the jig was terminated in a long drawn sigh, and "Oh! dear me," from the women, and an explosion of the remaining pent-up steam of the men. These forthwith adjourned "to liquor," leaving the softer sex to do the same if they felt so disposed, which many of them appeared to be. After about half an hour had elapsed, when the guests returned by degrees to the saloon, Captain Jones volunteered a song; and, upon obtaining the greatest degree of silence practicable, gave the "Ship on Fire." It was in much the same style as the former specimen of his vocalic talent; except that he was a little more boisterous, and sang with a less distinct utterance. But still he was in keeping with the character of the epic; for, unless his face very much belied his internal state, he was in one intestine blaze. There is an oft repeated story of Sir Walter Raleigh that while he was one day smoking his wonted pipe his servant brought him in his beer; but when the domestic, uninitiated to the consolation of the weed, beheld a volume of smoke emitted from the mouth of his master he imagined him to be inflicted by a celiac conflagration, and cast the contents of the flagon into Sir Walter's face. If the ingenious servitor had only lived in our day, and been called upon to wait on our friend the Captain as he appeared on this occasion, he would assuredly have made the same waste of malt liquor on the illuminated visage of that individual. However, the "Ship on Fire" was got through, and elicited great applause; after which, the artiste, perceiving his genteel guests rather apart from the rest of the company, and not joining in the festivities, came over and addressed them in the following words:

"Why don't you make yourself at home? you haven't had anything to drink to-night; some refreshments will be round in a minute or so, and then we will have a dance; but you've never heard my wife sing, have you?" Upon receiving a reply in the negative, he continued: "Then, my word, she's a stunner! I'll go and tell her you want her to sing. You know she sings, 'I should like to marry.' I composed a song for her to that tune, and you shall hear it;" saying which he left them to induce his fair bride to oblige her friends; at the same time that Mr. Sawyer, junior, made his appearance with a large jug and a number of tumblers, and asked our friends if they would take a drink. They thought it strange to bring water round to imbibe, considering that most of the guests ignored that beverage without its being plentifully diluted with spirits (as the Captain said). But thinking it was possibly on their account, seeing that they did not indulge alcoholically as the others did, our young friends gladly accepted a glass, and held it to be filled from the jug. To their astonishment, however, what they had imagined was water gave evidence, by its appearance, of more inebriating qualities.

"Why, what on earth is that you're giving us, Reuben?" asked William.