“There you are! What more do you want?”
“But aren’t I rather young?” Bram asked, in a sudden panic that he was making a fool of himself. “I mean, who would give me anything to act?”
“That’s where Unwin U. Blundell enters, my young friend. Let’s figure out your case. You want to keep out of the way of your father. You don’t want to be hauled back to Brigham and set to work in an office. Am I right?”
Bram nodded.
“So far, so good. Now we’re up against the long arm again. I want a young cannibal chief as an extra attraction for the Diorama. Why shouldn’t you take on the job? It’ll mean staining yourself brown and talking some kind of gibberish when I give the cue. I’ll stand you in board and lodging and pay you five shillings a week for yourself. What’s more, I’ll teach you how to look like a cannibal chief, and how to act like a cannibal chief. I’d want a short war dance every night. The girls will fake up something tasty there. Then before the show begins you could shake hands with the audience at twopence a head. Mind you don’t forget to shiver all the time. That’ll make the women take an interest in you. But you mustn’t forget you’re a cannibal. If anybody with a bit of ombongpong comes in to take a peep at you, you’ll want to gloat some. You know what I mean? Look as if you was thinking which was the best slice. That’ll go great. I was thinking of touring a big baboon, but a cannibal chief’s worth two baboons. Nothing derogatory, if you follow my meaning. We’ll make you a prince, so as you’ll be treated with respect. Prince Boo Boo. You want to give ’em a nice easy name so as they can talk about it to their friends without thinking that some Mr. Knowall in the corner’s going to jump up and correct them all the time. Nobody could go wrong over a name like Boo Boo. An infant in arms could say it. Prince Boo Boo, the world-famous cannibal chief from the savage Solomon Islands. The youngest son of the world-famous King Noo Noo who boasts of having eaten twenty-three missionaries, nine traders, and fourteen shipwrecked mariners since he ascended the throne. Prince Boo Boo himself was taken as a hostage for the lives of three French sailors who had been captured by his father. Unfortunately the king’s appetite was so ferocious and the sailors were so fat that without thinking about his youngest son he went and ate the lot. Prince Boo Boo was carried off to Europe where Unwin U. Blundell, always on the quee vyve for novelties that will attract his many patrons all over the civilised world, secured his exclusive services. Come on, say the word, and we’ll get the bills printed and the costume made in Liverpool, and on Monday week we’ll show ’em what’s what when we open in St. Helens.”
The runaway did not hesitate. Mr. Blundell’s offer solved the problem of his immediate future far more swiftly and far more easily than he would ever have dared to hope.
Bram was a great success as a young cannibal chief. His natural shivers during the excesses of an English summer filled the hearts of all the women with the warmest sympathy, and a moment later the way he gloated over imagined titbits of their anatomy made them shiver as realistically as himself.
“It’s going great, laddie,” Unwin U. Blundell declared. “To rights, it’s going. Props at the Royalty, Blackburn, who’s an old pal of mine, is making me a two-pronged wooden fork, which was used by your dad, King Noo Noo. With a bit of bullock’s blood we’ll have the ladies of Bolton in a state of blue horrors next week. And if one of ’em faints, laddie, there’s a shilling onto your salary when the ghost walks next Friday night.”
The Sisters Garibaldi were inclined to be jealous of Bram at first, but their feelings were appeased by being given a special new dance in which they were dressed in costumes that looked like rag mats trimmed with feather dusters, a dance that began with a seated swaying movement and ended with wild leaps into the air to the accompaniment of cannibalistic whoops.
Bram stayed with Unwin U. Blundell for nearly two years; but he did not remain a young cannibal chief to the exclusion of everything else.