Before Sir Hudson began to read my papers, he called General Bingham, the second in command in the island, to assist personally in their perusal; but that officer’s ideas of delicacy differed entirely from those of the Governor. “Sir Hudson Lowe,” answered he, with a marked expression of disgust, “I beg you will excuse me, I do not think that I shall be able to read that kind of French hand-writing.”
I had, in fact, no real objection to the Governor’s examining my papers; and I therefore told him that, not in his capacity of judge or magistrate, for he was neither the one nor the other to me, but of my own accord and out of pure condescension, I thought proper to allow him to read them. He fell immediately upon my Journal. His joy and his expectations may be imagined, when he perceived that it would inform him, day by day, of all that happened among us at Longwood. It was sufficiently arranged to have a table of contents, or index to the subjects at the beginning of each month. Sir Hudson Lowe, on meeting frequently with his name, would immediately refer to the page pointed out in the index to read the details; and I could not help observing to him that if he found it often necessary to use forbearance, it was not my fault, but the fault of his own indiscretion. I assured him that my Journal was not known to any body; that the Emperor himself, who was the sole subject of it, had only read the first pages of it; that its contexture was far from being settled, and that it was intended to remain, for some time to come, a secret known to myself only.
After Sir Hudson Lowe had spent two or three hours in looking over my Journal, I told him that my intention had been to enable him to form a correct idea of the nature of its contents, and that, having now done so, I felt bound, for many reasons, to prohibit, as far as it was in my power, his going any further; that he could of course do as he pleased, but that I should protest against the violence he would thus exercise, and the abuse of his authority. I could easily perceive that this was a great disappointment to him; he even hesitated: however, my protest produced its effect, and my Journal was not touched again. I might have extended the protest to all my other papers, but I did not care much about them; and they were, during several days, most minutely examined.
I had my last will sealed up: I was obliged to open it as well as other papers equally sacred. Having got to the bottom of a portfolio containing some things which I had not ventured to look at since my absence from Europe, I was obliged to open them. This day was to be a day of emotion to me: the sight of these objects awoke in my breast some old recollections which my courage had stifled, since certain painful separations had taken place. I was affected, and obliged to hasten out of the room. My son, who remained in it, told me afterwards that the Governor himself had appeared somewhat affected by this circumstance.
MY REMOVAL TO BALCOMBE’S COTTAGE.
From 28th to 30th.—This day, 28th, we have been removed from our wretched hovel to a kind of cottage belonging to Mr. Balcombe, our former host when at Briars, and situated about a league distant. The house was small, but very tolerable, and situated opposite to Longwood, and at a short distance from it: we were only separated from it by several ridges of precipices and steep summits of mountains. We were guarded by a detachment of the sixty-sixth regiment; numerous sentinels watched over us, and forbade the approach to our prison. An officer was at our disposal, Sir Hudson Lowe obligingly said, and, as he affirmed, for our convenience. All communications were strictly intercepted; we were placed in a state of the most absolute seclusion. On the summit of the hills which surrounded the hollow in which our house was situated, there was a road on which we saw to-day General Gourgaud, accompanied by an English officer. We could observe his efforts to come as near to us as possible, and we received with feelings of joy and affection the signs and demonstrations of friendship which our companion addressed to us from that distance, and returned ours to him in the same manner. The kind and excellent Madame Bertrand sent us again some oranges: we were not allowed to write to her to thank her, and were obliged to confine the expression of our gratitude by sending her some roses which we had gathered in our prison.
The next day Sir Hudson Lowe came to see us in our new residence. He wished to know what kind of bed I had had, and I took him to the next room and shewed him a mattress on the floor. The same kind of attention had been bestowed upon our food. “I mention these things to you,” said I, “because you have asked me; but, for my part, I do not care about them.” He then grew very angry with the person to whom he had intrusted the superintendence of our establishment here, and sent us our meals from his own table at Plantation House, although a distance of two leagues, and continued so to do until our wants were regularly provided for.
It became necessary to devise some occupation in our new prison, to enable us to bear the weight of time. I divided our hours so as to fill up our days: I regularly gave lessons in history and mathematics to my son; we read, and, during our intervals of leisure, we walked about our enclosure. The place was agreeable enough for St. Helena, it contained some verdure and a few trees. A great number of common fowls, which were rearing for the consumption of Longwood, were kept there, as well as some Guinea fowls, and other large birds, which we soon rendered tame: prisoners are ingenious and compassionate. In the evening, we used to light a fire, and then I related to my son some family stories; I informed him of my family concerns, and mentioned to him, and made him take down the names of those persons who had shewn themselves kind to me during the course of my life, or had rendered me any service. In short, our life was dull and melancholy, but so calm that it was not devoid of a kind of pleasurable feeling. One idea alone was exceedingly painful, and haunted us continually: the Emperor was there almost within sight, and yet we inhabited two distinct worlds; we were separated only by a short distance, and yet all communication had ceased! There was something horrible in this situation; I was no longer with him, and I was not with my family, which I had left to follow him. What then remained to me? My son shared in these feelings: urged by this situation, and by the enthusiasm of youth, the dear boy offered to me, in a moment of excitement, to take advantage of the darkness of night, to elude the vigilance of our guards, descend the numerous precipices, and scale the steep heights which parted us from Longwood, see Napoleon, and bring me back some news from him, which he engaged to do before day-light. I calmed this zeal, which, even had it rendered the attempt practicable, would have produced no other result than a feeling of personal satisfaction, and might have occasioned the most serious consequences. The Emperor had conversed with me so often and so fully that I did not suppose there was any thing he might wish to inform me of; and if such an attempt by my son had been discovered, what a noise it would have made, what importance would have been attached to it by the Governor, what absurd stories he would have invented and produced! &c.
MY RESOLUTION.—MY LETTERS TO SIR HUDSON
LOWE, &C.
From Sunday December 1st, to Friday December 6th.—The days of our imprisonment were slowly succeeding each other, and the Governor, although he continued to visit us frequently, did not mention any thing concerning our situation: he had merely hinted to me that my residence in the Island and my confinement might be protracted, until instructions were returned from London.