It occurred to him presently that Mattie would be waiting for him, as other people had already waited, that day, and he turned mechanically towards the house. He shrank, however, as he remembered the state of the place as he had found it, earlier on, as well as from the fresh transports which Mattie would have in store for him. He felt, as he had felt about Machell’s rough attempts at sympathy, that he could not bear them just now.... Swerving away to the right before he reached his home, he took a path which led him beyond the walls into the healing quiet of empty spaces.
The spring evening was very still, so still that, as he stood, he could hear the faint cry of new-born lambs from across the river. All over the land was that cool silver light which is so much more mystic, and at the same time more intimate, than any other. An incredible gentleness had come upon the earth under its touch. Bathed in that heavenly light it became suddenly more human. Beneath it, the brown plough lay warm and rich, while the grassland looked springy and deep, a comfort to eye and foot. The woods to the west showed silver palings between their trunks, while down on the flat the plantations looked like clumps of sepia feathers. In the soft yet clear air everything seemed to draw together, the white-faced farm-houses, the woods, the hills, the gentle, coloured earth ... gathered to hear the happy message with which the whole world seemed to thrill.
High on a bough above him a blackbird began to sing, and again there came from Kirkby’s lips that sound that was like a cry....
In the drawn dusk he wandered about the gardens, seeing the glass-houses, which were so brisk and coloured in the day, ghostly as water is ghostly under the first finger of the dark. Mattie had made no attempt to look for him, so that he was alone, as he had been in the early hours, but without the solace of his vision. The procession of the year no longer marched in strength before him, sounding its coloured trumpets as it passed. When he came to the place where the dawnbell was to stand, he could no longer picture it blue and exquisite against the soil.
For the third time that day rage seized him as he stood looking down at the dark ground which had blossomed so easily for him in the morning, but from which he could now conjure nothing but despair and gloom. He knew definitely now that he had been trapped by fate, and felt none the less bitter because he had sprung the trap with his own hand. He thought of his children with love, but knew that for such as himself there were things which were more than children. Closer to him than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet.... His children had grown away from him and made a life for themselves; but he, if he was to follow them, could do nothing but pine and die.
He made up his mind as he stood that he would go back on his word, and that after to-day he would shut his ears to Mattie’s pleadings for ever. If she must go, she must go alone, and he must manage as best he might. The letter had not been delivered yet, as far as he knew, and, even if it had, he could always withdraw his notice. They would not be hard on him at the Hall, knowing well enough as they did what had brought him to this pass. For in writing that letter he had been trapped ... trapped! The rage in him was so great that he shook with it as he stood, clenching and unclenching his hands and grinding his teeth. This time he actually cried aloud, and it seemed to him that the cry rushed out and over the walls, so that even down at the Hall they could hear him shouting that he was trapped....
And then suddenly Mattie’s face came to him as he had seen it, that morning, fresh and sweet and glad after her dream-tryst of the night. He saw the light in her eyes, and heard the break in her voice. He thought of her years of beating against the bars, and of how for her the trap he had sprung for himself meant the opening of her prison-gate. Remembering these things, he knew that he could not break his promise.... Slowly his rage subsided and his hands unclenched. He stood, an indistinct figure in the dusk, with drooped shoulders and bowed head. He had promised Mattie, and he could not fail her. Perhaps, once safely Over There, he might be allowed to find peace, and forget.
Turning towards the house, he saw Mattie running and stumbling towards him across the gardens.