CHAPTER IV.
Conversation, Chaperonage, Marriage,
Domestic Etiquette
and Duties.
“Manners are not idle, but are the fruit of noble natures and of loyal minds.”
CONVERSATION.
The late Dr. George Ripley was wont to say that the secret of being agreeable in conversation was to be honorable to the ideas of others. He affirmed that some people only half listened to you, because they were considering, even while you spoke, with what fine words, what wealth of wit, they should reply, and they began to speak almost before your sentence had died upon your lips. These people, he said, might be brilliant, witty, dazzling, but never could they be agreeable. You do not love to talk to them. You feel that they are impatient for their turn to come, and that they have no hospitality towards your thoughts—none of that gentle friendliness which asks your idea and makes much of it. This want of hospitality to other people’s ideas often has its root in egotism, but it is equally apt to be the growth of a secret want of self-confidence, a fear that one will not be ready to take one’s own part well,—an uneasy self-consciousness which makes real sympathetic attention to the ideas of others impossible.
Agreeability, readiness in conversation, tact and graciousness of manner are great aids to popularity. To possess these qualities one must have marked consideration for others, and be ever ready to manifest it. One should also be ready to recall faces and names.
Though one has but few facts and ideas to draw upon, she may still, by making sufficient effort, become a fair conversationalist. If one despair in this direction, she may at least train herself to become an interesting listener, and she will be surprised to find how popular she will be; for three-quarters of the world like to talk, while to listen intelligently is a great talent. The good listener, by her evident interest in, and sympathetic attention to, the matter of conversation, brings out all that is best in the one with whom she talks. Diffident people forget their shyness in her presence, and leave her with the comfortable and novel conviction that they have, after all, acquitted themselves rather well.
No well-bred person would be guilty of the gross rudeness of picking up a book or magazine and “looking through” it while pretending to pay heed to the talk of a friend. The assurance, “I am only looking at the pictures of this magazine, not reading, and I hear every word you say,” is no palliation of the offence. The speaker would be justified in refusing to continue the conversation until the pictures had been properly studied. If a speech is worth hearing, it is worthy of respectful and earnest attention.
No one should ever monopolize the conversation, unless he wishes to win for himself the name of a bore.