Hat. Oh, oh, oh!
Roam. (dropping on knees before her). Fear not, fair one. You surely have not forgotten the words of love and devotion that have passed between us in correspondence. Listen! I am not what I am! Once I have cast aside my working clothes and appear in the costly raiment that fits so well my youthful form you would not know me. I am in disguise, my darling Hattie! Oh! come to my arms, my loved one! Who would have dreamed that such bliss could exist upon this mundane sphere? (Rises.)
Hat. (stepping back and facing audience). Can it be that he has donned this disguise simply to try me? It must be. I will listen to him, for he speaks as no other man has ever done to me. (To Roam.) My dear Mr. Heartache, though I am somewhat surprised to meet you in such attire, I will frankly say that I like your manner of speech. You have undoubtedly disguised yourself as a common laborer or tramp for the purpose of learning the true depths of my affection for you. It is all right, Percy. Proceed with your lovely words of conversation. I can see that you would really be a handsome young man if you donned your proper attire and—and—treated yourself to a bath.
Roam. (aside). Great Scott! This business ain’t working the way I thought it would. The first thing I know I’ll be in a breach of promise suit, sure. But maybe that would be a better suit than the one I am now wearing, so I’ll see it through if I bust!
Enter Luc., at L. Sees Hat. and Roam., and steps back to watch and listen. Bill appears at C., and does the same.
Hat. (smiling). Sit down on the bench, Mr. Heartache.
Luc. (aside). Mr. Heartache! Why, that must be the artist Helen is infatuated with. Well, what is the girl thinking about? Why, that fellow is nothing but a tramp. They say listeners never hear any good of themselves, but I am going to hear this through, or know the reason why.
Roam. (sitting down). Well, what do you want me to do now?
Hat. Talk like you did a little while ago.
(Sits down beside him.)