We stared at each other blankly.
"So, Art," Alphie said, "So! How do you like it here?"
"Well, Alphie," I said. "I can't say as I do, really. As far as I can tell, I'm sane as I've ever been. It's just a bunch of unfortunate coincidences and bad judgment that got me here." I refrain from mentioning Alphie's propensity for lapses in judgment.
"Wow," Alphie said. "That's a bummer. We should do something, you know, Audie?"
"Not really my area of expertise," Audie said in clipped tones. "I would if I could, you know that, right Art? We're family, after all."
"Oh, sure," I say magnanimously. But now that I'm looking at them, my cousins who got into a thousand times more trouble than I ever did, driving drunk, pirating software, growing naughty smokables in the backyard, and got away from it unscathed, I feel a stirring of desperate hope. "Only…"
"Only what?" Alphie said.
"Only, maybe, Audie, do you think you could, that is, if you've got the time, do you think you could have a little look around and see if any of your contacts could maybe set me up with a decent lawyer who might be able to get my case reheard? Or a shrink, for that matter? Something? 'Cause frankly it doesn't really seem like they're going to let me go, ever. Ever."
Audie squirmed and glared at her brother. "I don't really know anyone that fits the bill," she said at last.
"Well, not *firsthand,* sure, why would you? You wouldn't." I thought that I was starting to babble, but I couldn't help myself. "You wouldn't. But maybe there's someone that someone you know knows who can do something about it? I mean, it can't hurt to ask around, can it?"