Alan chewed his lip, caught himself at it, stopped. He’d anticipated a slugfest, now he was getting strokes.
“How come you’re being so nice to us?” Kurt said. “You guys are The Man.” He shrugged at Alan. “Someone had to say it.”
Lyman smiled. “Yeah, we’re the phone company. Big lumbering dinosaur that is thrashing in the tarpit. The spazz dinosaur that’s so embarrassed all the other dinosaurs that none of them want to rescue us.”
“Heh, spazz dinosaur,” the East Indian woman said, and they all laughed.
“Heh,” Kurt said. “But seriously.”
“Seriously,” Lyman said. “Seriously. Think a second about the scale of a telco. Of this telco. The thousands of kilometers of wire in the ground. Switching stations. Skilled linesmen and cable-pullers. Coders. Switches. Backhaul. Peering arrangements. We’ve got it all. Ever get on a highway and hit a flat patch where you can’t see anything to the horizon except the road and the telephone poles and the wires? Those are our wires. It’s a lot of goodness, especially for a big, evil phone company.
“So we’ve got a lot of smart hackers. A lot of cool toys. A gigantic budget. The biggest network any of us could ever hope to manage—like a model train set the size of a city.
“That said, we’re hardly nimble. Moving a Bell is like shifting a battleship by tapping it on the nose with a toothpick. It can be done, but you can spend ten years doing it and still not be sure if you’ve made any progress. From the outside, it’s easy to mistake ‘slow’ for ‘evil.’ It’s easy to make that mistake from the inside, too.
“But I don’t let it get me down. It’s good for a Bell to be slow and plodding, most of the time. You don’t want to go home and discover that we’ve dispatched the progress-ninjas to upgrade all your phones with video screens and a hush mode that reads your thoughts. Most of our customers still can’t figure out voice mail. Some of them can’t figure out touch-tone dialing. So we’re slow. Conservative. But we can do lots of killer R&D, we can roll out really hot upgrades on the back end, and we can provide this essential service to the world that underpins its ability to communicate. We’re not just cool, we’re essential.
“So you come in and you show us your really swell and interesting meshing wireless data boxes, and I say, ‘That is damned cool.’ I think of ways that it could be part of a Bell’s business plan in a couple decades’ time.”