"I despatched no less than twenty messengers through the different streets on the same errand, and having succeeded in persuading each that it was of the utmost importance that the celebrated Doctor P—— should be found, they persuaded the owners of the houses of the same necessity.
"I persevered in this system for a few days, and then tried its efficacy at night, thinking that, when knocked up from their beds, people would be sure to be more impressed with the importance of a doctor in such general request.
"My scheme succeeded. In a few days, I was repeatedly called in by various patients, and liberal fees poured into the purse of the celebrated Dr. P——. Unfortunately my practice, although every day multiplying even beyond my most sanguine hopes, was entirely confined to the bourgeoisie; and though they paid well, my ambition pointed to higher game, and I longed to feel the pulses of la haute noblesse, and to ascertain if the fine porcelain of which I had heard they were formed was indeed as much superior to the delf of which the bourgeoisie are said to be manufactured, as I was led to believe.
"Luckily for me, the femme de chambre of a grand lady fancied herself ill, mentioned the fancy to her friend, who was one of my patients, and who instantly advised her to consult the celebrated Dr. P——, adding a lively account of the extent of my practice and the great request I was in.
"The femme de chambre consulted me, described symptoms enough to baffle all the schools of medicine in France, so various and contradictory were they, and I, discovering that she really had nothing the matter with her, advised what I knew would be very palatable to her,—namely, a very nutritious régime, as much air and amusement as was possible in her position, and gave her a prescription for some gentle medicine, to prevent any evil effect from the luxurious fare I had recommended.
"I was half tempted to refuse the fee she slipped into my hand, but I recollected that people never value what they get for nothing, and so I pocketed it.
"In a few days, I was sent for to the Hôtel—to attend the Duchesse de —— the mistress of the said femme de chambre. This was an event beyond my hopes, and I determined to profit by it. I found the Duchesse suffering under a malady—if malady it could be called—to which I have since discovered grand ladies are peculiarly subject; namely, a superfluity of embonpoint, occasioned by luxurious habits and the want of exercise.
"'I am very much indisposed, Doctor,' lisped the lady, 'and your prescription has done my femme de chambre so much good, that I determined to send for you. I am so very ill, that I am fast losing my shape; my face, too, is no longer the same; and my feet and hands are not to be recognised.'
"I drew out my watch, felt her pulse, looked grave, inquired—though it was useless, her embonpoint having revealed it—what were her general habits and régime; and then, having written a prescription, urged the necessity of her abandoning café au lait, rich consommés, and high-seasoned entrées; recommended early rising and constant exercise; and promised that a strict attention to my advice would soon restore her health, and with it her shape.
"I was told to call every day until further orders; and I, pleading the excess of occupation which would render my daily visits to her so difficult, consented to make them, only on condition that my fair patient was to walk with me every day six times around the garden of her hôtel; for I guessed she was too indolent to persevere in taking exercise if left to herself.