“In the first place, what does it mean?” said Helena calmly, “for I can only half translate. I have thrown overboard all my scrap-books of such stuff.”
“Why,” said Siegmund, rather abashed, “only ‘the row and the smoke of Rome’. But it is remarkable, Helena”—here the peculiar look of interest came on his face again—“it is really remarkable that I should have said that.”
“Yes, you look surprised,” smiled she.
“But it must be twenty”—he counted—“twenty-two or three years since I learned that, and I forgot it—goodness knows how long ago. Like a drowning man, I have these memories before….” He broke off, smiling mockingly, to tease her.
“Before you go back to London,” said she, in a matter-of-fact, almost ironical tone. She was inscrutable. This morning she could not bear to let any deep emotion come uppermost. She wanted rest. “No,” she said, with calm distinctness, a few moments after, when they were climbing the rise to the cliff’s edge. “I can’t say that I smell the smoke of London. The mist-curtain is thick yet. There it is”—she pointed to the heavy, purple-grey haze that hung like arras on a wall, between the sloping sky and the sea. She thought of yesterday morning’s mist-curtain, thick and blazing gold, so heavy that no wind could sway its fringe.
They lay down in the dry grass, upon the gold bits of bird’s-foot trefoil of the cliff’s edge, and looked out to sea. A warm, drowsy calm drooped over everything.
“Six hours,” thought Helena, “and we shall have passed the mist-curtain. Already it is thinning. I could break it open with waving my hand. I will not wave my hand.”
She was exhausted by the suffering of the last night, so she refused to allow any emotion to move her this morning, till she was strong. Siegmund was also exhausted; but his thoughts laboured like ants, in spite of himself, striving towards a conclusion.
Helena had rejected him. In his heart he felt that in this love affair also he had been a failure. No matter how he contradicted himself, and said it was absurd to imagine he was a failure as Helena’s lover, yet he felt a physical sensation of defeat, a kind of knot in his breast which neither reason, nor dialectics, nor circumstance, not even Helena, could untie. He had failed as lover to Helena.
It was not surprising his marriage with Beatrice should prove disastrous. Rushing into wedlock as he had done, at the ripe age of seventeen, he had known nothing of his woman, nor she of him. When his mind and soul set to develop, as Beatrice could not sympathize with his interests, he naturally inclined away from her, so that now, after twenty years, he was almost a stranger to her. That was not very surprising.