One day when he came out in the Hall as usual to give a sermon, a monk walked out of the congregation, and made bows to him, saying, “I beg you to answer.” Ummon called out aloud, “O monks!” The monks all turned towards the master, who then came down from the seat.
Another day when he was silent in his seat for a while, a monk came out and made bows to him; said the master, “Why so late!” The monk made a response, whereupon the master remarked, “O you, good-for-nothing simpleton!”
Sometimes his sermon would be quite disparaging to the founder of his own faith; for he said, “Iśvara, great lord of heaven, and the old Śākyamuni are in the middle of the courtyard, discoursing on Buddhism; are they not noisy?”
At another time he said:
“All the talk so far I have had—what is it all about any way? To-day again not being able to help myself I am here to talk to you once more. In this wide universe is there anything that comes up against you, or puts you in bondage? If there is ever a thing as small as the point of a pin lying in your way or obstructing your passage, get it out for me! What is it that you call a Buddha or a Patriarch? What are they that are known as mountains, rivers, the earth, sun, moon, or stars? What are they that you call the four elements and the five aggregates? I speak thus, but it is no more than the talk of an old woman from a remote village. If I suddenly happen to meet a monk thoroughly trained in this matter, he will, on learning what I have been talking to you, carry me off the feet and throw me down the steps. And for this would he be blamed? Whatever this may be, for what reason is it so? Don’t be carried away by my talk and try to make nonsensical remarks. Unless you are the fellow who was really gone through with the whole thing, you will never do. When you are caught unawares by such an old man as myself, you will at once lose your way and break your legs. And for that, am I to be at all blamed? This being so, is there any one among you who wants to know a thing or two about the doctrine of our school? Come out and let me answer you. After this you may get a turning and be free to go out in the world, east or west.”
A monk came out and was at the point of asking a question when the master hit his mouth with the staff, and descended from the seat.
One day when Ummon was coming up to the Lecture Hall he heard the bell, whereupon he said, “In such a wide, wide world, why do we put our monkish robes on when the bell goes like this?”
Another time he simply said, “Don’t you try to add frost over snow; take good care of yourselves, good-bye”; and went out.
“Lo, and behold; the Buddha Hall has run into the monk’s quarters.” Later his own remark was, “They are beating the drum at Lafu (Lo-fu), and a dance is going on at Shōjū (Shao-chou).”
Ummon seated himself in a chair before the congregation, there was a pause for a while, and he remarked: “Raining so long, and not a day has the sun shone.”