As for the Men, Nature has satisfied her self in letting them be their own Disguise, and in suffering them to act the old Women, as old Women are vulgarly understood, in Matters of Council and Politicks; but if at any time they have Occasion for the Devil in Person, they are oblig’d to call him to their Aid in such Shape as he pleases to make use of pro hac vice; and of all those Shapes, the most agreeable to him seems to be that of a Female of Quality, in which he has infinite Opportunity to act to Perfection, what Part soever he is call’d in for.
How happy are those People who they say have the particular Quality, or acquir’d Habit, call’d the Second Sight; one Sort of whom they tell us are able to distinguish the Devil, in whatever Case or Outside of Flesh and Blood he is pleas’d to put on, and consequently could know the Devil wherever they met him? Were I blest with this excellent and useful Accomplishment, how pleasant would it be, and how would it particularly gratify my Spleen, and all that which I, in common with my fellow Creatures carry about me, call’d Ill-Nature, to stand in the Mall, or at the Entrance to any of our Assemblies of Beauties, and point them out as they pass by, with this particular Mark, That’s a Devil; that fine young Toast is a Devil; There’s a Devil drest in a new Habit for the Ball; There’s a Devil in a Coach and Six, cum aliis. In short, it would make a merry World among us if we cou’d but enter upon some proper Method of such Discriminations: but, Lawr’d, what a Hurricane would it raise, if, like ———, who they say scourg’d the Devil so often that he durst not come near him in any Shape whatever, we cou’d find some new Method out to make the Devil unmask, like the Angel Uriel, who, Mr. Milton says, had an enchanted Spear, with which if he did but touch the Devil, in whatever Disguise he had put on, it oblig’d him immediately to start up, and shew himself in his true original Shape, mere Devil as he was.
This would do nicely, and as I who am originally a Projector, have spent some Time upon this Study, and doubt not in a little Time to finish my Engine, which I am contriving, to screw the Devil out of every Body, or any Body; I question not when I have brought it to Perfection, but I shall make most excellent Discoveries by it; and besides the many extraordinary Advantages of it to human Society, I doubt not but it will make good Sport in the World too; wherefore, when I publish my Proposals, and divide it into Shares, as other less useful Projects have been done, I question not, for all the severe Act lately pass’d against Bubbles, but I shall get Subscribers enough, &c.
In a Word, a secret Power of discovering what Devils we have among us, and where and what Business they are doing, would be a vast Advantage to us all; that we might know among the Crowd of Devils that walk about Streets, who are Apparitions, and who are not.
Now I, you must know, at certain Intervals when the Old Gentleman’s Illuminations are upon me, and when I have something of an Eclaricissement with him, have some Degrees of this discriminating Second Sight, and therefore ’tis no strange thing for me to tell a great many of my Acquaintance that they are really Devils, when they themselves know nothing of the Matter: Sometimes indeed I find it pretty hard to convince them of it, or at least they are very unwilling to own it, but it is not the less so for that.
I had a long Discourse upon this Subject one day, with a young beautiful Lady of my Acquaintance, who the World very much admired; and as the World judges no farther than they can see, (and how should they, you would say) they took her to be, as she really was, a most charming Creature.
To me indeed she discover’d her self many Ways, besides the Advantage I had of my extraordinary Penetration by the magic Powers which I am vested with: To me, I say, she appear’d a Fury, a Satyr, a fiery little Fiend as could possibly be dress’d up in Flesh; in short, she appear’d to me what really she was, a very Devil: It is natural to human Creatures to desire to discover any extraordinary Powers they are possess’d of superior to others, and this Itch prevailing in me, among the rest, I was impatient to let this Lady know that I understood her Composition perfectly well, nay, as well as she did her self.
In order to this, happening to be in the Family once for some Days, and having the Honour to be very intimate with her and her Husband too, I took an Opportunity on an extraordinary Occasion, when she was in the Height of good Humour, to talk with her; You must note, that as I said, the Lady was in an extraordinary good Humour, and there had been a great deal of Mirth in the Family for some Days; but one Evening, Sir E—— her Husband, upon some very sharp Turn she gave to another Gentleman, which made all the Company pleasant, run to her, and with a Passion of good Humour takes her in his Arms, and turning to me, says he, Jack, This Wife of mine is full of Wit and good Humour, but when she has a Mind to be smart, she is the keenest little Devil in the World: This was alluding to the quick Turn she had given the other Gentleman.
Is that the best Language you can give your Wife, says my Lady? O Madam, says I, such Devils as you, are all Angels; ay, ay, says my Lady, I know that, he has only let a Truth fly out that he does not understand: Look ye there now, says Sir Edward, could any thing but such a dear Devil as this have said a thing so pointed? Well, well, adds he, Devil to a Lady in a Man’s Arms, is a Word of divers Interpretations. Thus they rallied for a good while, he holding her fast all the while in his Arms, and frequently kissing her, and at last it went off, all in Sunshine and Mirth.
But the next Day, for I had the Honour to lodge in the Lady’s Father’s House, where it all happen’d; I say, the next Day my Lady begins with me upon the Subject, and that very smartly, so that first I did not know whether she was in jest or earnest: Ay, ay, says she, you Men make nothing of your Wives after you have them, alluding to the Discourse with Sir Edward the Night before.