Whence can all this come? how is the Change wrought? who but the Devil can inject Wit in Spight of natural Dullness, create Brains, fill empty Heads, and supply the Vacuities in the Understanding? and will Satan do all this for nothing? No, no, he is too wise for that; I can never doubt a secret Compact, if there is such a thing in Nature; when I see a Head where there was no Head, Sense in Posse where there is no Sense in Esse, Wit without Brains, and Sight without Eyes, ’tis all Devil-Work: Could G—— write Satyrs, that could neither read Latin or spell English, like old Sir William Read, who wrote a Book of Opticks, which when it was printed, he did not know which was the right Side uppermost, and which the wrong? Could this eminent uninform’d Beau turn Atheist, and make wise Speeches against that Being, which made him a Fool, if the Devil had not sold him some Wit in exchange for that Trifle of his, call’d Soul? Had he not barter’d his Inside with that Son of the Morning, to have his Tongue tip’d with Blasphemy, he that knew nothing of a God, but only to swear by him, could never have set up for a Wit, to burlesque his Providence and ridicule his Government of the World.
But the Devil, as he is God of the World, has one particular Advantage, and that is, that when he has Work to do he very seldom wants Instruments; with this Circumstance also, that the Degeneracy of human Nature supplies him; as the late King of France said of himself, when they told him what a Calamity was like to befal his Kingdom by the Famine: Well, says the King, then I shall not want Soldiers; and it was so, want of Bread supplied his Army with Recruits; so want of Grace supplied the Devil with Reprobates for his Work.
Another Reason why, I think, the Devil has made more Bargains of that Kind we speak of, in this Age, is, because he seems to have laid by his Cloven-Foot; all his old Emissaries, the Tools of his Trade, the Engineers which he employ’d in his Mines, such as Witches, Warlocks, Magicians, Conjurers, Astrologers, and all the hellish Train or Rabble of human Devils, who did his Drudgery in former Days, seem to be out of Work: I shall give you a fuller Enumeration of them in the next Chapter.
These, I say, seem to be laid aside; not that his Work is abated, or that his Business with Mankind, for their Delusion and Destruction is not the same, or perhaps more than ever; but the Devil seems to have chang’d Hands; the Temper and Genius of Mankind is alter’d, and they are not to be taken by Fright and Horror, as they were then: The Figures of those Creatures was always dismal and horrible, and that is it which I mean by the Cloven-Foot; but now Wit, Beauty and gay Things, are the Sum of his Craft, he manages by the Soft and the Smooth, the Fair and the Artful, the Kind and the Cunning, not by the Frightful and Terrible, the Ugly and the Odious.
When the Devil for weighty Dispatches,
Wanted Messengers cunning and bold,
He pass’d by the beautiful Faces,
And pick’d out the Ugly and Old.
Of these he made Warlocks and Witches,
To run of his Errands by Night,
Till the over wrought Hag-ridden Wretches,
Were as fit as the Devil, to fright.
But whoever has been his Adviser,
As his Kingdom encreases in Growth;
He now takes his Measures much wiser,
And Trafficks with Beauty and Youth.
Disguis’d in the Wanton and Witty,
He haunts both the Church and the Court,
And sometimes he visits the City,
Where all the best Christians resort.
Thus dress’d up in full Masquerade,
He the bolder can range up and down,
For he better can drive on his Trade,
In any one’s Name than his own.
Chap. IX.
Of the Tools the Devil works with, (viz.) Witches, Wizards or Warlocks, Conjurers, Magicians, Divines, Astrologers, Interpreters of Dreams, Tellers of Fortunes; and above all the rest, his particular modern Privy-Counsellors call’d Wits and Fools.
Tho’, as I have advanc’d in the foregoing Chapter, the Devil has very much chang’d Hands in his modern Management of the World, and that instead of the Rabble and long Train of Implements reckoned up above, he now walks about in Beaus, Beauties, Wits and Fools; yet I must not omit to tell you that he has not dismiss’d his former Regiments, but like Officers in Time of Peace, he keeps them all in half Pay, or like Extraordinary Men at the Custom-House, they are kept at a Call, to be ready to fill up Vacancies, or to employ when he is more than ordinarily full of Business; and therefore it may not be amiss to give some brief Account of them, from Satan’s own Memoirs, their Performance being no inconsiderable Part of his History.
Nor will it be an unprofitable Digression to go back a little to the primitive Institution of all these Orders, for they are very antient, and I assure you, it requires great Knowledge of Antiquity, to give a Particular of their Original; I shall be very brief in it.