The old man was amazed at this relation; and told us, we were very much in the right to go away to the north; and that if he might advise us, it should be to sell the ship in China, which we might very well do, and buy or build another in the country; “And,” said he, “though you will not get so good a ship, yet you may get one able enough to carry you and all your goods back again to Bengal, or any where else.”
I told him I would take his advice when I came to any port where I could find a ship for my turn, or get any customer to buy this. He replied, I should meet with customers enough for the ship at Nanquin, and that a Chinese junk would serve me very well to go back again; and that he would procure me people both to buy one and sell the other.
“Well, but, Seignior,” says I, “as you say they know the ship so well, I may, perhaps, if I follow your measures, be instrumental to bring some honest innocent men into a terrible broil, and, perhaps, be murdered in cold blood; for wherever they find the ship they will prove the guilt upon the men by proving this was the ship, and so innocent men may probably be overpowered and murdered.”—“Why,” said the old man, “I’ll find out a way to prevent that also; for as I know all those commanders you speak of very well, and shall see them all as they pass by, I will be sure to set them to rights in the thing, and let them know that they had been so much in the wrong; that though the people who were on board at first might run away with the ship, yet it was not true that they had turned pirates; and that in particular those were not the men that first went off with the ship, but innocently bought her for their trade; and I am persuaded they will so far believe me, as, at least, to act more cautiously for the time to come.”—“Well,” said I, “and will you deliver one message to them from me?”—“Yes, I will,” says he, “if you will give it under your hand in writing, that I may be able to prove it came from you, and not out of my own head.” I answered, that I would readily give it him under my hand. So I took a pen and ink, and paper, and wrote at large the story of assaulting me with the long-boats, &c. the pretended reason of it, and the unjust, cruel design of it; and concluded to the commanders that they had done what they not only should have been ashamed or, but also, that if ever they came to England, and I lived to see them there, they should all pay dearly for it, if the laws of my country were not grown out of use before I arrived there.
My old pilot read this over and over again, and asked me several times if I would stand to it. I answered, I would stand to it as long as I had any thing left in the world; being sensible that I should, one time or other, find an opportunity to put it home to them. But we had no occasion ever to let the pilot carry this letter, for he never went back again. While those things were passing between us, by way of discourse, we went forward directly for Nanquin, and, in about thirteen days sail, came to anchor at the south-west point of the great gulf of Nanquin; where, by the way, I came by accident to understand, that the two Dutch ships were gone that length before me, and that I should certainly fall into their hands. I consulted my partner again in this exigency, and he was as much at a loss as I was, and would very gladly have been safe on shore almost any where. However, I was not in such perplexity neither, but I asked the old pilot if there was no creek or harbour, which I might put into, and pursue my business with the Chinese privately, and be in no danger of the enemy. He told me if I would sail to the southward about two-and-forty leagues, there was a little port called Quinchang, where the fathers of the mission usually landed from Macao, on their progress to teach the Christian religion to the Chinese, and where no European ships ever put in: and, if I thought proper to put in there, I might consider what farther course to take when I was on shore. He confessed, he said, it was not a place for merchants, except that at some certain times they had a kind of a fair there, when the merchants from Japan came over thither to buy the Chinese merchandises.
We all agreed to go back to this place: the name of the port, as he called it, I may, perhaps, spell wrong, for I do not particularly remember it, having lost this, together with the names of many other places set down in a little pocket-book, which was spoiled by the water, on an accident which I shall relate in its order; but this I remember, that the Chinese or Japanese merchants we correspond with call it by a different name from that which our Portuguese pilot gave it, and pronounced it as above, Quinchang.
As we were unanimous in our resolutions to go to this place, we weighed the next day, having only gone twice on shore, where we were to get fresh water; on both which occasions the people of the country were very civil to us, and brought us abundance of things to sell to us; I mean of provisions, plants, roots, tea, rice, and some fowls; but nothing without money.
We came to the other port (the wind being contrary) not till five days; but it was very much to our satisfaction, and I was joyful, and I may say thankful, when I set my foot safe on shore, resolving, and my partner too, that if it was possible to dispose of ourselves and effects any other way, though not every way to our satisfaction, we would never set one foot on board that unhappy vessel again: and indeed I must acknowledge, that of all the circumstances of life that ever I had any experience of, nothing makes mankind so completely miserable as that of being in constant fear. Well does the Scripture say, “The fear of man brings a snare;” it is a life of death, and the mind is so entirely suppressed by it, that it is capable of no relief; the animal spirits sink, and all the vigour of nature, which usually supports men under other afflictions, and is present to them in the greatest exigencies, fails them here.
Nor did it fail of its usual operations upon the fancy, by heightening every danger; representing the English and Dutch captains to be men incapable of hearing reason, or distinguishing between honest men and rogues; or between a story calculated for our own turn, made out of nothing, on purpose to deceive, and a true genuine account of our whole voyage, progress, and design; for we might many ways have convinced any reasonable creature that we were not pirates; the goods we had on board, the course we steered, our frankly shewing ourselves, and entering into such and such ports; even our very manner, the force we had, the number of men, the few arms, little ammunition, and short provisions; all these would have served to convince any man that we were no pirates. The opium, and other goods we had on board, would make it appear the ship had been at Bengal; the Dutchmen, who, it was said, had the names of all the men that were in the ship, might easily see that we were a mixture of English, Portuguese, and Indians, and but two Dutchmen on board. These, and many other particular circumstances, might have made it evident to the understanding of any commander, whose hands we might fall into, that we were no pirates.
But fear, that blind useless passion, worked another way, and threw us into the vapours; it bewildered our understandings, and set the imagination at work, to form a thousand terrible things, that, perhaps, might never happen. We first supposed, as indeed every body had related to us, that the seamen on board the English and Dutch ships, but especially the Dutch, were so enraged at the name of a pirate, and especially at our beating off their boats, and escaping, that they would not give themselves leave to inquire whether we were pirates or no; but would execute us off-hand, as we call it, without giving us any room for a defence. We reflected that there was really so much apparent evidence before them, that they would scarce inquire after any more: as, first, that the ship was certainly the same, and that some of the seamen among them knew her, and had been on board her; and, secondly, that when we had intelligence at the river Cambodia, that they were coming down to examine us, we fought their boats, and fled: so that we made no doubt but they were as fully satisfied of our being pirates as we were satisfied of the contrary; and I often said, I knew not but I should have been apt to have taken the like circumstances for evidence, if the tables were turned, and my case was theirs; and have made no scruple of cutting all the crew to pieces, without believing, or perhaps considering, what they might have to offer in their defence.
But let that be how it will, those were our apprehensions; and both my partner and I too scarce slept a night without dreaming of halters and yard-arms; that is to say, gibbets; of fighting, and being taken; of killing, and being killed; and one night I was in such a fury in my dream, fancying the Dutchmen had boarded us, and I was knocking one of their seamen down, that I struck my double fist against the side of the cabin I lay in, with such a force as wounded my hand most gievously, broke my knuckles, and cut and bruised the flesh, so that it not only waked me out of my sleep, but I was once afraid I should have lost two of my fingers.