Sept. 22.—“Was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the same success as the day before. I was exceeding weak, but it seemed to refresh my soul thus to spend time.
Sept. 23.—“I finished my corrections of the little piece before mentioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful; it seemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better. As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having; but O how vain and unworthy it is to live for any lower end! This day I indited a letter, I think, of great importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram, in New-Jersey. Oh that God would bless and succeed that letter, which was written for the benefit of his church![[J]] Oh that God would ‘purify the sons of Levi,’ that his glory may be advanced! This night I endured a dreadful turn, wherein my life was expected scarce an hour or minute. But, blessed be God, I have enjoyed considerable sweetness in divine things this week, both by night and day.
[J]. It was concerning the qualifications of ministers, and the examination and licensing of candidates for the work of the ministry.
Sept. 24.—“My strength began to fail exceedingly; which looked, further, as if I had done all my work: however, I had strength to fold and superscribe my letter. About two I went to bed, being weak and much disordered, and lay in a burning fever till night, without any proper rest. In the evening I got up, having lain down in some of my clothes; but was in the greatest distress, having an uncommon kind of hiccough; which either strangled me, or threw me into a straining to vomit, accompanied with other griping pains. O the distress of this evening! I had little expectation of living the night through, nor indeed had any about me; and I longed for the finishing moment! I was obliged to repair to bed by six o’clock; and through mercy enjoyed some rest; but was grievously distressed at turns with the hiccough. My soul breathed after God, ‘When shall I come to God, even to God, my exceeding joy?’ Oh for his blessed likeness!
Sept. 25.—“I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless all the day; however, I was able to write a little, and some part of the day was comfortable. O it refreshed my soul to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! O, blessed God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope. Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed will. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.[[K]]
[K]. This was the last time that ever he wrote in his diary with his own hand; though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth, in this his weak and dying state.
Sept. 26.—“I felt the sweetness of divine things this forenoon, and had the consolation of a consciousness that I was doing something for God.
Lord’s day, Sept. 27.—“This was a very comfortable day to my soul; I think, I awoke with God. I was enabled to lift up my soul to God, early this morning; and while I had little bodily strength, I found freedom to lift up my heart to God for myself and others. Afterward, was pleased with the thoughts of speedily entering into the unseen world.”
He felt this morning an unusual appetite for food, with which his mind seemed to be exhilarated, looking on it as a sign of the very near approach of death. At this time he also said, “I was born on a Sabbath-day, and I have reason to think I was new-born on a Sabbath-day; and I hope I shall die on this Sabbath-day. I shall look upon it as a favor, if it may be the will of God that it should be so: I long for the time. O, why is his chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariot? I am very willing to part with all: I am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to see him again, to go to be for ever with the Lord.[[L]] O, when I go there, how will God’s dear church on earth be upon my mind!”
[L]. He had, before this, expressed a desire, if it might be the will of God, to live till his brother returned from New-Jersey: who, when he went away, intended, if possible, to perform his journey, and return in a fortnight; hoping once more to meet his brother in the land of the living. The fortnight was now nearly expired.