There was a silence, and after a little she went on: “I shall have to earn my own living, of course, but that should not be impossible. An experiment ... an experience ... the experience would be good for me. I have never been to London. There are so many things.”
“That seems a very sensible plan, if it can be managed,” said Mr. Dunnock, cutting her short. “But then you have plenty of good sense, Anne, more than I have in some ways.”
He sat down suddenly at his writing table, dropping his head between his hands, and there he remained, silent for so long that Anne began to wonder if he had forgotten her, but she said nothing, only repeating under her breath: “It is settled: I am leaving home.”
But at last Mr. Dunnock looked up, saying: “Let me see.... What was I going to say? You will require some money, Anne, if you are going away. I can give you twenty pounds, enough to enable you to look about you. Do as you think best, dear child, in every way.” His head began to nod again, and then, as if suddenly waking up, he said:
“I am glad you are going, Anne. I am glad the suggestion came from you: that it should be your own wish. I am rather bad company, I know, but there is a reason for that. You think my life here is narrow perhaps, but you see only one side. I can assure you that you are mistaken; my life is incredibly rich and overflowing with happiness. But that has to be hidden; there is a reason for that. I need loneliness; you perhaps need to see the world at present, but we shall meet again, and I have no fear that ultimately ... you will understand what is hidden....” He broke off disconnectedly, and suddenly Anne felt her happiness shot through by a feeling of dismay, in which she wondered if she could leave her father to fend for himself. Such phrases were familiar to her from his lips, but they seemed strange coming at such a moment and when she went from the room it was with a conviction that she would be doing wrong to go away.
Her scruples were soon forgotten in the excitement of making plans, and the rest of the day was spent in packing and unpacking a wooden box with her possessions. Two days later all was ready, and the hour of her departure had been fixed for the morrow. In the morning she went to say good-bye to Mrs. Sotheby, and to ask if Rachel would come to have tea with her.
“We shall miss you very much,” said Mrs. Sotheby. “But I shall try to think that you are enjoying yourself seeing more of the world than you would here. I hardly know what to say about Rachel. You know how fond she is of you. She will want to come to say good-bye; it is a great pity that Mr. Sotheby has arranged to take us to see the cottages at Linton. You would not care to come with us, I suppose? Then everyone would be happy.”
“I should like to come very much,” said Anne, “if I shall not be in the way.”
“I’ll just ask Mr. Sotheby if there will be room in the dog-cart for us all,” said the old woman and, through the opened door into the parlour, Anne could see the grocer sitting at the table, looking up from a sheet of blue paper with a T-square in his hands.
They set off soon after lunch, Anne sitting on the back seat of the dog-cart with Rachel, but the pony did not seem to feel the extra weight. Anne soon set Rachel talking, and the little girl kept her amused with stories of her school, and how she had been teased about her brother, and it was some time before she broke the news of her own departure. Rachel stared down at the road, a yellow river flowing so swiftly from below the dog-cart that she could not distinguish the stones in it. “You won’t ever think of me; you won’t write to me; you won’t ever come back,” were her thoughts, but she knew that she must hide her unhappiness, and when she spoke, as the trap drew up smartly, it was to ask: “Will you be going to Paris?” a question which Anne found so disturbing that she saw little of the first cottage into which she was led. The smell of fresh paint, mingled with the fragrance of aromatic pine shavings on the plank floors, recalled her to her surroundings, and she listened for a moment to Mr. Sotheby, who was speaking to her.