"I'm making a fool of myself. I'm letting her make a fool of me," he thought angrily, as he stood in the entrance. "I'll not come again." But he had made this same decision each time he was met with "Not at home," and had nevertheless reappeared at her door after a few weeks of self-denial. So, he mocked himself even as he was bravely resolving. He gazed up and down the street. His face brightened. Far down the long block, toward Fifth Avenue, he saw a slim, singularly narrow figure, thin yet nowhere angular; beautiful shoulders and bust, narrow hips; a fascinating simple dress of brown, a sable stole and muff, a graceful brown hat with three plumes. "Distinguished" was the word that seemed to him to describe what he could see, thus far. As she drew near, he noted how her clear skin, her eyes, her hair all had the sheen that proclaims health and vivid life. "But she would never have looked like this, or have been what she is, if she had not got rid of me," he said to himself by way of consolation.
"Won't you take a walk?" he asked, when they met half way between the two avenues. The friendliness of her greeting dispelled his ill humor; sometimes that same mere friendliness was the cause of a stinging irritation.
"Come back with me," she replied. "I'm always in at this time. Besides, to-day I have an engagement—no, not just yet—not until Boris comes. Then, he and I are going out."
"Oh—Raphael! Always Raphael."
"Almost always," said she. "Almost every day—often twice a day, sometimes three times a day."
His dealings with women had been in disregard and disdain of their "feminine" methods; but he did know the men who use that same indirection to which women are compelled because nature and the human societies modeled upon its savage laws decree that woman shall deal with men in the main through their passions. He, therefore, suspected that Neva's frank declaration was not without intent to incite. But, to suspect woman's motive rarely helps man; in his relations with her he is dominated by a force more powerful than reason, a force which compels him to acts of which his reason, though conscious and watchful, is a helpless spectator. Armstrong's feeling that Neva was not unwilling to give herself the pleasure of seeing him jealous of Raphael did not help him toward the self-control necessary to disappoint her. Silent before his rising storm, he accompanied her to the studio. Alone with her there, he said abruptly:
"Do you think any human being could fall in love with me?"
She examined him as if impartially balancing merits and demerits. "Why not?" she finally said.
"I've sometimes thought there was a hardness in me that repels."
"Perhaps you're right," she admitted. "You'll probably never know until you yourself fall in love."