“He has dared to question my accounts,” she replied, in her grandest manner.
This was interesting! “But that’s his business,” said I; “that’s what I pay him for.”
“To insult your wife?”
“To guard my money.”
“Mr. Burridge never found it necessary to insult me in guarding your money. He ventured to assume that as your wife I was to be respected, and——”
“Burridge had no right to assume any such thing,” I said. “He was nothing but my machine—my cash-register. I instructed him, again and again, to assume that everybody was dishonest. A ridiculous mess I should make of my affairs if I did not keep a most rigid system of checks upon everybody. You must remember, my dear, that I am beset by hungry fellows, many of them clever and courageous, waiting for me to relax my vigilance so that they can swoop on my fortune. I’m moving through a swarm of parasites who prey upon my prey or upon me, and the larger I become the larger the swarm and the more dangerous. I must have eyes everywhere. You should be reasonable.”
She gave me a curious look. “And you’re so sublimely unconscious of yourself!” she said. “That is why you are so terrible. But it saves you from being repulsive.” I was instantly on the alert. Flattery tickles me—and tickling wakes me. “Can’t you see, you great monster of a man,” she went on, “that you mustn’t treat your wife and children as if they were parasites?”
“They must keep their accounts with my fortune straight,” said I.
To that point I held while she cajoled, stormed, denounced, threatened, wept. The longer she worked upon me the more set I became, for the more firmly I was convinced that there had been some sort of chicanery at which that weak fool Burridge had winked. She was greatly agitated—and not with anger—when she left me, though she tried to conceal it. I sent for Cress and ordered him to hunt out Burridge’s accounts and vouchers for the past fifteen years, or ever since I put my domestic finances on the sound basis of business. I told him to take everything to an expert accountant.
After two days’ search he reported to me that he could find accounts for only nine years back and vouchers for only the last three years. The rest had been lost or deliberately destroyed—contrary to my emphatic orders. One of the curses of large affairs with limited time and imbecile agents is the vast number of ragged ends hanging out. I never take up any part of my business after having disregarded it for a while without finding it ravelled and ravelling. A week later I had the accountant’s report, reviewed by Cress. I read it with amazement. I sent at once for my wife. I ordered Cress out of the room as soon as she entered, for I wished to spare her all unnecessary humiliation.