Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
VIII.
A Plan suggested for the Up-building of the Democracy.—The Idea not New, but one which the Leaders of the Fierce Democracy have acted upon from the Beginning.
Confedrit × Roads
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
January 27, 1866.
Halleloogy! halleloogy! halleloogy! I see a lite! It beams onto me! It penetrates me! It fills me! Goy to the world!
I hev diskivered the cause uv the decline uv the Dimocrisy. I seed it yisterday. I wuz a wanderin on the neighborin hills, a musin onto the cussednis uv humanity ez exemplified in the person uv the grocery keeper at the Corners, who unanimusly refoozed to give me further credit for corn whisky, wich is the article they yoose in this country to pizen theirselves with. He asshoored me that he hed the utmost regard for my many virtues; but he diskivered that the one he prized the most I hedn’t so many uv, to wit, that uv payin for my likker. Therefore the account mite be considered closed. Then, for the fust time in my life, I bleeved in total depravity.
While musin, in a melonkoly mood, on this dark cloud wich fell across my pathway, and the fall uv the Dimocratic party, I came onto a party of men borin for ile. Then the trooth flashed over me. Their operations showed me the way to success—the shoor path to triumph.
“When,” said I to myself, “when men seek gain they bore for it. They go down—never up.” Even so with the Dimocrisy. We dug downward, downward, downward, through all the strata uv society. We went through the groceries; the next stratum was the most ignorant uv the furiners; then we struck the poor whites uv the South; then, below them, the heft uv the people uv Noo Gersy; then Southern Illinoy and Indiana; then Pike county, Missouri; and so on. We never went upward for converts, cause ‘twant no use. When a man wanted to jine us he alluz hed to come down. We got lots of converts.
There was a regular slidin scale, which the heft uv Democrats who wuznt born in the party hev slid down; to wit:—