I warmed up on this elokently. “Behold, my brethren, the beginnin uv Dimocrasy,” I sed. “Fust, the wine (which wuz the antetype of our whisky) wuz the beginnin. Wine (or whisky) wuz necessary to the foundation uv the party, and it wuz forthcomin. But the thing was not complete. It did its work on Noer, but yet there wuz a achin void. There was no Nigger in the world, and without nigger there could be no Dimocracy. Ham, my friends, wuz born a brother uv Japhet, and wuz like unto him, and, uv course, could not be a slave. Whisky wuz the instrument to bring him down; and it fetched him. Ham looked upon his father, and was cust; and the void wuz filled. There wuz Nigger and whisky, and upon them the foundashuns uv the party wuz laid, broad and deep. Methinks, my brethren, when Ham went out from the presence uv his father, black in the face ez the ace uv spades (ef I may be allowed to yoose the expression), bowin his back to the burdens Shem and Japhet piled onto him with alacrity, that Democracy, then in the womb uv the future, kicked lively, and clapped its hands. There wuz a nigger to enslave, and whisky to bring men down to the pint uv enslavin him. There wuz whisky to make men incapable uv labor; whisky to accompany horse racin, and poker playin, and sich rational amoosements, and a nigger cust especially that he mite sweat to furnish the means. Observe the fitniss uv things. Bless the Lord, my brethren, for whisky and the nigger; for, without em, there could be no Dimocrisy, and yoor beloved speaker mite hev owned a farm in Noo Jersey, and bin a votin the whig ticket to-day.”
At this pint, a venerable old freedman, who wuz a sittin quietly in the meetin, ariz, and asked ef he mite ask a question. Thinkin what a splendid opportoonity there wood be uv demonstratin the sooperiority uv the Caucashen over the Afrikin race, I answered “Yes,” gladly.
“Well, Mas’r,” sed the old imbecile, “is I a beest?”
“My venerable friend, there ain’t nary doubt uv it.”
“Is my old woman a old beastesses, too?”
“And my children—is they little beasts and beastesses?”
“Onquestionably.”
“Den a yaller feller ain’t but a half a beast, is he?”
“My friend,” sed I, “that question is—”