Whereas, Genral Rosso, a native-born Kentuckian, and therefore a gentleman, hevin got into a argument with a Iowa sheep-breeder; and,
Whereas, hevin got the wust uv the argument, he dextrously turned it into blackguardin; and,
Whereas, hevin got the wust uv the blackguardin, he remembered the ancient usages uv the chivalrous sons uv the South, and caned him; therefore, be it
Resolved, That we, the Dimocrisy uv Confedrit × Roads, wich is in the State uv Kentucky, hereby thank General Rosso for his manly vindication uv the character uv Kentucky.
Resolved, That we know not wich to admire the most; the dashin Gineral’s courage in bravin the public sentiment uv the North, or his prudence in selectin the smallest and physically weakest man in the House to demonstrate onto.
Resolved, That ez Thad Stevens is 70 years uv age, and lame, and hardly recovered from his fit uv sickness, we suggest that our beloved hero commence a argument with him, feelin that so far ez the argument and blackguardin goes the result will be the same, only so much more so ez to give him a good excuse for killin him, wich wood be doin the South a servis indeed.
Resolved, That the Dimocrisy uv Kentucky hevent felt so good sence the Memphis riots.
Resolved, That this manly act uv Gineral Rosso’s makes up and compensates the South for the outrage he inflicted onto her when he jined the vandal host wich devastated her soil, and that hereafter he shel be receeved with just the same cordiality ez tho he had gone into the Confedrit instid uv the Federal servis.
Resolved, That the thanks uv the Dimocrisy are due the bold, brave men who accompanied and stood by General Rosso in this vindication uv the Southern spirit.
I put the affirmative, ez is the custom here, it bein the rool, when the leaders want a thing to pass, never to call for the nays, and it went through all right. Then I arose, and stated I hed another resolution, wich I wished to offer, and I read it:—
”Resolved, That in retainin in the Post Offis, at the Corners, a Ablishnist, President Johnson is—”
At this point Deekin Pogram interrupted me. He spozed this meetin wuz called to congratulate Ginral Rosso, and wat wuz the sense uv mixin up a paltry Post Offis with a matter uv so much importance ez the canin uv a Ablishnist? It was clearly out uv order.
I replied,—
“Wood yoo be glad, or wood this congregashun be glad, to hev me in the Post Orfis in the place uv that Ablishnist?”
The Deekin replied that personally he wood. He had the highest respect for my massive talents and my excellent qualities uv head and heart, and besides, he thought probable, ef I got the Post Orfis, he wood stand a chance uv gettin the nine dollars and sixty-two cents borrowed money I owed him, and—
I called him to order at once.
Bascom, who keeps the grocery, and who furnishes me with likker (wich I hev to take for my hair) on the strength uv remittances I am to receeve, insisted on hearin the resolution ef it wood further my gettin the Post Orfis, and so did the benevolent gentleman with whom I board, and I resoomed,—
“I kin see a good reason for incorporatin a resolooshun demandin a change in the Post Orfis into the proceedins uv this meetin. There wood be, my friends,” sed I, “no yoose uv sendin him a naked resolution demandin this change, becoz he reseeves hundreds and tens uv hundreds uv applications for offices every day; in fact, they pile in at sich a rate that he never opens the half uv them. The Dimocrisy, my brethren, are alive on this subject. Ef they are to support the President, they want, and will hev, the post orifises, for uv what use is it to support a man and pay yoor own expenses? It is plain that the proceedins uv a post offis meetin wood never reach him, but this, my brethren, goes up to him from the people, endorsin a supporter uv his policy, and ez it will be the only one he hez reseeved, or will reseeve, he will read it and read it through, and in the exultation he will feel at bein endorsed by anybody, who doubts the result? The Post Orifis is mine.”