“Very good,” said Seward; “but at least find some clergyman who endorses us without hevin P.M. to his honored name. It wood look better.”
“I know it wood,” replied Johnson; “but where kin we find sich a one? I hev swung around the entire circle, and heven’t ez yet seen him. Nasby it must be.”
There wuz then a lively discussion ez to the propriety, before the procession started, of removin all the Federal offis-holders on the proposed route, and appintin men who beleeved in us (Johnson, Beecher, and Me), that we might be shoor uv a sootable recepshun at each pint at wich we wuz to stop. The Annointed wuz in favor uv it. Sez he, “Them ez won’t support my polisy shan’t eat my bread and butter.” Randall and Doolittle chimed in, for it’s got to be a part of their religion to assent to whatever the President sez, but I mildly protested. I owe a duty to the party, and I am determined to do it.
“Most High,” sez I, “a settin hen wich is lazy makes no fuss; cut its head off, and it flops about, for a while, lively. Lincoln’s office-holders are settin hens. They don’t like yoo nor yoor policy, but while they are on their nests, they will keep moderitly quiet. Cut off their heads, and they will spurt their blood in your face. Ez to bein enshoord of a reception at each point, you need fear nothin. Calkerlatin moderately, there are at least twenty-five or thirty patriots who feel a call for every offis in your disposal. So long, Yoor Highnis, ez them offisis is held just where they kin see em, and they don’t know wich is to git em, yoo may depend upon the entire enthoosiasm uv each, individyooally and collectively. In short, ef there’s 4 offises in a town, and yoo make the appointments, yoo hev sekoored 4 supporters; till yoo make the appointments yoo hev the hundred who expect to get em.”
The President agreed with me that until after the trip the gullotine shood stop.
Secretary Seward sejested that a clean shirt wood improve my personal appearance, and akkordingly a cirkular wuz sent to the clerks in the Departments, assessin em for that purpose. Sich uv em ez refoosed to contribute their quota wuz instantly dismissed for disloyalty.
At last we started, and I must say we wuz got up in a highly conciliatory style. Every wun of the civilians uv the party wore buzzum pins, et settry, wich wuz presented to em by the Southern delegates to the Philadelphia Convention, wich wuz made uv the bones uv Federal soldiers wich hed fallen at various battles. Sum uv em were partiklerly valuable ez anteeks, hevin bin made from the bones uv the fust soldiers who fell at Bull Run.
The Noo York recepshun wuz a gay affair. I never saw His Imperial Highness in better spirits, and he delivered his speech to better advantage than I ever heard him do it before, and I bleeve I’ve heard it a hundred times. We left Noo York sadly. Even now, ez I write, the remembrance uv that perceshun, the recollection uv that banquet, lingers around me, and the taste uv them wines is still in my mouth. But we hed to go. We hed a mishn to perform, and we put ourselves on a steamboat and started.
Albany.—There wuz a immense crowd, but the Czar uv all the Amerikas didn’t get orf his speech here. The Governor welcomed him, but he welcomed him ez the Cheef Magistrate uv the nashen, and happened to drop in Lincoln’s name. That struck a chill over the party, and the President got out uv it ez soon ez possible. Bein reseeved ez Chief Magistrate, and not ez the great Pacificator, ain’t His Eggslency’s best holt. It wuz unkind uv Governor Fenton to do it. If he takes the papers, he must know that His Mightiness ain’t got but one speech, and he ought to hev made sich a reception ez wood hev enabled him to hev got it off. We shook the dust off uv our feet, and left Albany in disgust.
Skenactady.—The people uv this delightfull little village wuz awake when the Imperial train arrived. The changes hadn’t bin made in the offices here, and consekently there wuz a splendid recepshun. I didn’t suppose there wuz so many patriots along the Mohawk. I wuz pinted out by sum one ez the President’s private adviser—a sort uv private Secretary uv State; and after the train started, I found jest 211 petitions for the Post Offis in Skenaktedy in my side coat pocket, wich the patriots who hed hurrahed so vocifferously hed dexterously deposited there. The incident wuz a movin one. “Thank God!” thought I. “So long ez we hev the post offiees to give, we kin alluz hev a party.” The Sultan swung around the cirkle wunst here, and leaving the Constooshun in their hands, the train moved off.