And so on to Chicago, where we didn’t get off our speech, though from the manner in wich the people hollered Grant! Grant! we felt cheered at realizin how much they wuz with us. His eminence wanted to sling the 36 States and the flag with the stars at em, but ez General Logan wuz there, ready to fling em back, it wuz deemed highly prudent not to do it.
Here my trials commenst. At the Biddle House, in Detroit, the nigger waiters showed how much a African kin be spiled by bein free. They hed the impudence to refoose to wait on us, and for a half hour the imperial stumick wuz forced to fast. This alarmin manifestation uv negro malignancy alarmed His Eggsalency. “Thank God!” sed he, “that I vetoed the Freedmen’s Buroo Bill. I hev bin Alderman uv my native town—I hev swung around the entire cirkle, but this I never dreemed uv. What would they do if they hed their rites?” The insident made an impression onto him, and at Chicago he resolved to trust em no longer. He ordered his meals to his room, and sent for me. “My friend,” sed he, “taste evrything onto this table.”
“Why? my liege,” sed I.
“Niggers is cooks,” sed he, “and this food may be pizoned. They hate me, for I ain’t in the Moses bizness. Taste, my friend.”
“But spozn,” sed I, “that it shood be pizoned? Wat uv my bowels? My stomick is uv ez much valyoo to me ez yourn is to yoo.”
“Nasby,” sez he, “taste! Ef yoo die, who mourns? Ef I die, who’d swing around the cirkle? Who’d sling the flag and the 36 stars at the people, and who’d leave the Constooshn in their hands? The country demands the sacrifice; and besides, ef yoo don’t, off goes yoor offishl head.”
That last appele fetched me. Ruther than risk that offis I’d chaw striknine, for uv what akkount is a Dimokrat, who hez wunst tasted the sweets uv place, and is ousted? And from Chicago on I wuz forced to taste his food and likker—to act ez a sort uv a litenin-rod to shed off the vengeance uv the nigger waiters. I wood taste uv every dish and drink from each bottle, and ef I didn’t swell up and bust in 15 minits His serene Highness wood take hold. I suffered several deaths. I resoom my diary:
Joliet.—The crowd wuz immense. The peasantry, ez the train approached, rent the air with shouts uv “Grant!” “Grant!” His Potency, the President, promptly acknowledged the compliment. He was sacrificin hisself for them—who hed made greater sacrifices? He hed bin Alderman uv his native town, and Vice-President; he wuz too modest to make a speech; but ef he wuz Joodas Iskariot, who wuz the Saviour? He hed swung around the cirkle, and hedn’t found none so far. He left in their hands the—
And so on, until near St. Louis, when we penetrated a Democratic country, uv wich I informed his Majesty. “How knowest thou?” sez he. “Easy,” sez I. “I observe in the crowds a large proportion uv red noses, and hats with the tops off. I notice the houses unpainted, with pig pens in front ov em; and what is more, I observe that crowds compliment yoo direct, instead of doin it, ez heretofore, over Grant’s shoulders. The Knights uv the Golden Cirkle, wich I spect is the identical cirkle yoo’ve bin swingin around lately, love yoo and approach yoo confidently.”
The President brisked up, and from this to Indianapolis he spoke with a flooidity I never observed in him before. I may say, to yoose a medikle term, that he had a hemorrhage uv words. At the latter city our reception was the most flatrin uv eny we have experienced. The people, when the President appeared on the balcony uv the Bates House, yelled so vociferously for Grant, that the President, when he stepped forward to acknowledge the compliment, coodent be heard at all. He waved his hat; and the more he waved it the more complimentary the crowd became. “Grant!” “Grant!” they yelled; and the more the President showed himself the more they yelled Grant, until, overpowered by the warmth uv the recepshun, and unwillin to expose his health, the President retired without slingin a speech at em, but entirely satisfied that the people wuz with him.