Johnstown, Pa.—A bridge fell down, onto wich wuz 400 voters, killin a dozen uv em. His Eggslency felt releeved when heerin uv the axident, at bein asshoored that there wuzn’t wun uv his supporters on the bridge. He considered it a speshl Providence. The condukter overheerd the remark, and answered, that ef any uv his supporters wuz killed in that seckshun they’d have to import wun for the purpose.
Mifflin, Pa.—A enthoosiastic indivijjle who wants the Post Office at this place very much, fell on the President’s neck, and wept, hailin him ez the “Preserver uv the Union.” The President thanked him for this spontaneous triboot, and left in his hands the Constitooshun, the flag, and the appintment he desired.
Baltimore.—There wuz a spontaneous recepshun here, wich wuz gratifying to us. The perceshun wuz immense, and the mottoes expressive. One division wuz headed by the identikle indivijooel who fired the first shot at the Massachusetts men in 1861. He is a ardent supporter uv President Johnson’s policy. One flag wuz capchered from a Injeany regiment at the first Bull Run, at wich the President wept. “Things is becomin normal,” sed he, “when the people will stand that. Wat love!—wat unity! The flags uv both secshuns, wich was lately borne by foes, now minglin in the same proceshun, and all uv em cheerin me.”
At last we arrived at Washinton, hevin swung entirely round the cirkle, and found traitors North and South. The demonstrashen to greet the President on his arrival was immense. The clerks in all the departments wuz out (at least them ez wuzn’t will wish they hed bin, ez their names wuz all taken), the solgers on duty wuz ordered out, and altogether it wuz the most spontaneous exhibition I ever witnest. The Mayor made a speech. The President asked if he was Joodis Iscariot who wuz the Saviour—told him he had swung around the entire cirkle, and hed found traitors on all sides uv it, though sence he left Cleveland, Chicago, and Indianapolis he wuz satisfied there wuz the heft uv them in the North; but be this ez it may, he left the Constooshn, and the 36 States, and the flag with 36 stars onto it, in his hands. He had bin Alderman uv his native village, and Congressman, and United States Senator, and Vice-President, and President, wich latter circumstance he considered forchinit, but wuz, after all, an Humble Indivij’le. He didn’t feel his oats much, and wood do his dooty agin traitors North, ez well as agin his misguided friends South.
And so ended the Presidential excursion.
Petroleum V. Nasby, P.M.
(wich is Postmaster),
and likewise Chaplin to the expedishn.
P.S. I forgot to menshun that at Chicago we laid the corner-stone uv a monument to Douglas. The occurence hed entirely slipped my memory.
P.V.N.