I stood it until some one mentioned me ez Chaplin to the expedition West, when the pressure becum unendurable. They sposed I was keeper uv the President’s conscience, and I hed not a minit’s peece after that. In vain I ashoored em that, there bein no consciences about the White House, no one could hold sich a offis; in vain I ashoored em that I hed no influence with His Majesty. Two thirds uv em pulled applicashens for places they wanted from the left breast coat pocket, and insistid on my takin em, and seem that they was appinted. I told em that I cood do nuthin for em; but they laft me to skorn. “You are jist the style uv man,” said they, “who hez inflooence with His Eggslency, and yoo must do it.” Hemmed in, there wuz but one way uv escape, and that way I took. Seezin a carpet sack, wich, by the way, belonged to a delegate (I took it to give myself the look of a traveler), I rushed to the depot, and startid home, entirely satisfied that ef Cleveland may be taken as a sample, the less His Majesty depends on soljers, the better.
Petroleum V. Nasby, P.M.
(wich is Postmaster),
and likewise late Chaplin to the expedishn.
P.S. I opened the carpet sack on the train, spectin to find a clean shirt in it, at least. It contained, to my disgust, an address to be read before the Cleveland Convention, a set uv resolutions, a speech, and a petition uv the proprietor thereof for a collectorship, signed by eight hundred names, and a copy uv the Indiana State Directory for 1864. The names wuz in one hand-writin, and wuz arranged alphabetically.
XXXV.
An Appeal to the People just before the October Elections.
Post Offis, Confedrit × Roads
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
October 1, 1866.
President Johnson, who hez bin likened to Androo Jaxon, and wich, since my appintment I conseed him to be, in many partikelers, his sooperior, requested me and William H. Seward (his secretary and chaplin) to draw up and publish to the Democracy of the various States holdin elecshuns this fall an address, or ruther an appeal, firmly beleevin that hed he extendid his tour to Maine, and isshood an address to em, that that state wood not hev gone ez it did. William refoozed to take part in the appeal, sayin that it warnt uv no use, and so the dooty devolved upon me.
Democrats and Conservatives uv the North:
Appresheatin the gravity uv the isshoo, I address yoo. The signs uv the times is ominus. A Radikle Congress, electid durin the time when the Southin States, wich comprises reely all the intellek uv this people, didn’t take no part in the elekshen, bein too bizzy gettin out uv Sherman’s way to open polls,—a Congress, I repeat, in wich there ain’t no Southern man, and wich consekently kant, by any stretch uv the hooman imaginashen, be considered Constitooshnel, hez dared to thwart the President uv the United States, and set up its will agin hisn! I need skarcely recount its high-handed acts uv usurpashen. It passed a bill givin rites to niggers, wich, accordin to Scripter (see Onesimus, Ham, and Hagar, the only three texts in Scripter uv any partikeler account) and the yoosages uv the Democrisy, ain’t got no rites; and the President, exercisin the high prerogatives put into his hands by the Constitooshen, vetoed it. Here the matter should hev endid. He hed expressed, in a manner strikly Constitooshenel, his objecshens to the measure; and a proper regard for his feelins, and just deference for his opinions, ought to hev indicated the right course. Here wuz peace offered this Congres. Here wuz the tender uv a olive branch. The President didn’t want a quarrel with Congres; he didn’t desire a continyooance uv the agitation wich hed shook the country like a Illinois ager; but he desired Peece. Congres cood hev hed it hed they only withdrawed their crood noshens uv what wus rite and what wuz wrong; ratified, ez they shood hev done, sich laws ez the President saw fit to make: in short, hed they follered the correct rool when we hev a Demokratic President, and put the Government in his hands, with an abidin trust in his rectitood and wisdom, we mite hev avoided this struggle, and thus wood hev bin peaceful. But this reckless Congris, bent upon consentrating power in its hands instid uv dividin it between him and Seward, passed the bill over his head, regardlis uv his feelins! The responsibility for the dissension rests, therefore, with Congres.