Why is a fender like Westminister Abbey? Because it contains the ashes of the grate (great).
Why is a handsome woman like bread? Because she is often toasted.
What is that which a coach cannot move without, and yet is not of the least use to it? Noise.
What does a stone become when in the water? A whetstone (wet stone).
When is a very angry man like a clock fifty-nine minutes past twelve? When he is just going to strike one.
If you were obliged to swallow a man, what kind of a one would you prefer to swallow? A little Dublin porter.
What question is that to which you must always answer “yes”? What does y-e-s spell?
What four letters of the alphabet would frighten a thief? O I C U (oh! I see you).
Why must a magistrate be cold and chilly? Because he is just ice (justice).
What is the difference between a new five-cent piece and an old fashioned quarter? Twenty cents.