Ir. Ay, I have heard these Stones Time after Time, and they'll bring it about when the Devil's blind.
Mis. Perhaps sooner than you'd have it.
The FABULOUS FEAST.
The ARGUMENT.
The fabulous Feast contains various Stories and pleasant Tales. Maccus puts a Trick upon a Shoe-maker. A Fruiterer is put upon about her Figs. A very clever Cheat of a Priest, in relation to Money. Lewis the Eleventh, King of France, eats some of a Country-Man's Turnips, and gives him 1000 Crowns for an extraordinary large one that he made a Present of to him. A certain Man takes a Louse off of the King's Garment, and the King gives him 40 Crowns for it. The Courtiers are trick'd. One asks for an Office, or some publick Employment. To deny a Kindness presently, is to bestow a Benefit. Maximilian was very merciful to his Debtors. An old Priest Cheats an Usurer. Anthony salutes one upon letting a Fart, saying the Backside was the cleanest Part of the Body.
POLYMYTHUS, GELASINUS, EUTRAPELUS, ASTÆUS, PHILYTHLUS, PHILOGELOS, EUGLOTTUS, LEROCHARES, ADOLESCHES, LEVINUS.
Pol. As it is unfitting for a well order'd City to be without Laws and without a Governor; so neither ought a Feast to be without Orders and a President.
Ge. If I may speak for the rest, I like it very well.
Po. Soho, Sirrah! bring hither the Dice, the Matter shall be determin'd by their Votes; he shall be our President that Jupiter shall favour. O brave! Eutrapelus has it, the fittest Man that could be chosen, if we had every individual Man of us thrown. There is an usual Proverb, that has more Truth in't than good Latin, Novus Rex nova Lex, New Lords new Laws. Therefore, King, make thou Laws.
Eut. That this may be a merry and happy Banquet, in the first Place I command, that no Man tell a Story but what is a ridiculous one. He that shall have no Story to tell, shall pay a Groat, to be spent in Wine; and Stories invented extempore shall be allow'd as legitimate, provided Regard be had to Probability and Decency. If no Body shall want a Story, let those two that tell, the one the pleasantest, and the other the dullest, pay for Wine. Let the Master of the Feast be at no Charge for Wine, but only for the Provisions of the Feast. If any Difference about this Matter shall happen, let Gelasinus be Judge. If you agree to these Conditions, let 'em be ratified. He that won't observe the Orders, let him be gone, but with Liberty to come again to a Collation the next Day.