I had one, which we must consult about when she is better,—whether she might not, with her good education, be made one of the schoolmistresses that you say, go from cell to cell, instructing the female prisoners in these model gaols. But I hesitated to start this project to papa—so told him I must think the matter over.
“You are growing quite a thinking woman, Dora; who taught you, who put it into your mind to act as you do?—you, who were such a thoughtless girl;—speak out, I want to know?”
I told him—naming the name of my dear Max; the first time it has ever passed my lips in my father's hearing, since that day. It was received in silence.
Some time after, stopping suddenly, papa said to me, “Dora, some day, I know you will go and marry Doctor Urquhart.”
What could I say? Deny it, deny Max—my love, and my husband? or tell my father what was not true? Either was impossible.
So we walked on, avoiding conversation until we came to our own churchyard, where we went in and sat in the porch, sheltering from the noon-heat, which papa feels more than he used to do. When he took my arm to walk home, his anger had vanished, he spoke even with a sort of melancholy.
“I don't know how it is, my dear, but the world is altering fast. People preach strange doctrines, and act in strange ways, such as were never thought of when I was young. It may be for good or for evil—I shall find out by-and-by. I was dreaming of your mother last night; you are growing very like her, child.” Then suddenly, “Only wait till I am dead, and you will be free, Theodora.”
My heart felt bursting; oh Max, you do not mind me telling you these things? What should I do if I could not thus open my heart to you?
Yet it is not altogether with grief, or without hope, that I have thought over what then passed between papa and me. He knows you—knows too that neither you nor I have ever deceived him in anything. He was fond of you once; I think sometimes he misses you still, in little things wherein you used to pay him attention, less like a friend than a son.
Now Max, do not think I am grieving—do not imagine I have cause to grieve. They are as kind to me as ever they can be. My home is as happy as any home could be made, except one, which, whether we shall ever find or not, God knows. In quiet evenings such as this, when, after a rainy day, it has just cleared up in time for the sun to go down, and he is going down peacefully in amber glory, with the trees standing up so purple and still, and the moorlands lying bright, and the hills distinct even to their very last faint rim—in such evenings as this, Max, when I want you and cannot find you, but have to learn to sit still by myself, as now, I learn to think also of the meeting which has no farewell, of the rest that comes to all in time, of the eternal home. We shall reach that—some day.