“Why, yes. I suppose she—was.”
“No nonsense!” he yelled. “Husband was a brute! Marry her myself! In a minute—if possible. Ain't possible! Shame! Bet she could make—good dumplings—apple dumplings! Huh!”
Uncle Bainbridge is very fond of apple dumplings. His final test of a woman is her ability to make good apple dumplings. Several women might have married him had they been able to pass that examination. He can pay no higher compliment to a woman than to be willing to believe her able to make good dumplings.
“Aggie, in there!” he roared again, impatient because I was slow in answering. “Dumplings! That kind of woman—could have made—good dumplings!”
I felt, somehow, that it was going a bit too far to imagine Lady Agatha at so plebeian a task as making apple dumplings.
“Uncle Bainbridge,” I shouted, “the upper classes—in England—can't make—apple dumplings!”
Even as I shouted I was aware that some bypasser, startled at our loud voices, was pausing just outside the gate. I turned to encounter for a moment the haughty glare of the most English-looking elderly woman I have ever seen. She had a large, high nose, and she was a large, high-looking handsome woman generally. She said no word to me; but as she stared her lips moved ever so slightly. I fancied that to herself she said, “Indeed!” I have never felt more utterly superfluous, more abjectly American. She turned from me with an air that denied my existence, a manner that indicated that such things as I could not exist, and it would be foolish to try to make her believe they did exist. She bowed to Uncle Bainbridge, smiled as he returned her bow, and passed on. Uncle Bainbridge's eyes followed her admiringly.
“'Mother fine woman!” he thundered, so that she must have heard him. “Friend of mine! Sensible woman! No frills!”
I tried to ask him who she was, when and where he had become acquainted with her, and a dozen other questions; but Uncle Bainbridge unplugged himself, cutting off all communication with the outer world, and resolutely refused any information. That he should know the lady did not surprise me, however. It had happened several times since we had been in England that Uncle Bainbridge had become friendly with people whom we did not know. We never got from him any exact idea as to the social status of these persons, and indeed we always found that he had no really definite ideas on that subject to communicate.
Our dear Lady Agatha was almost the only English friend my wife and I had made.