I had arranged, in my own mind, a plan to proceed to Latachea, a considerable sea-port town in Syria, and thence to Aleppo, whence, as it was a great Eastern mart, I entertained hopes that I should find a speedy, or at least a certain conveyance, by a caravan, across the deserts, to Bassorah, and little doubted but that I should find a vessel at some of the Venetian ports, either bound, or belonging to a sea-port of such commercial[commercial] consequence, upon which I could procure a passage——But in this I was disappointed; for, on the fullest inquiry that I could make, I found that there was only one ship ready to sail, and no probability of any other for a considerable time after——I did every thing I could to avail myself of this conveyance, but was disappointed, owing to a young lady being passenger, who was daughter to the owner of the vessel——and the old gentleman did not approve of an English Officer being of the party with his daughter. I used every argument without success, urging the Resident, Mr. Strange, who had behaved very politely to me during my short residence at Venice, to interest himself about it: I likewise entreated Mrs. Strange, an affable, pleasant woman, to exert her endeavours, and made her laugh, by proposing to her to give me a certificate of my behaviour, and to pledge herself to the old gentleman that the happiness or honour of his family would not be disturbed by me during the passage.
Hearing, however, that a ship lay at Trieste, which was to sail thence for Alexandria in Egypt, I determined to embrace that opportunity, and, instead of my former intended route, go to Grand Cairo, thence to Suez[Suez], and so down the Red Sea, by way of Mecca, to Moca, and thence to Aden, where company’s vessels, or India country traders are always to be found going to one or other of the British settlements.
I accordingly set out for Trieste, with all the impatience of a sanguine mind, anxious to change place, eager to push forward, and full of the new route I had laid down——the charms of which, particularly of seeing Grand Cairo, the Land of Egypt, and the Pyramids, were painted by my imagination in all the glowing exaggerated colours of romance. The Captain of the vessel was then at Venice, and I accompanied him to Trieste, which is about sixty miles from Venice.
Soon after our arrival at Trieste, I had the mortification to find, that the vessel was by no means likely to keep pace with the ardour of my mind, and that, owing to some unforeseen event, her departure was to be delayed; so, after a few of those effusions which may be supposed on such an occasion to escape a man of no very cool temper hanging on the tenterhooks of expectation, I found it necessary to sit down, and patiently wait the revolution of time and event, which nothing could either impede or accelerate.
It has often been remarked, and is held as a point of faith by Predestinarians, that some men are doomed by fate to disappointment——and that, when they are so, no wisdom can obviate, no vigilance provide against, nor no resolution resist, her decrees; but, that, in spite of all the efforts of reason and industry, a series of sinister events shall pursue them through life, and meet them at every turn they attempt to take. Such has been my lot for the greatest part of my life——but I have neither faith enough in Predestination, nor self-love enough, so far to blind me to my own faults, as to suppose that lady Fate had any thing at all to do with it. No, no; it was often owing to a temper, warm, impatient and uncontrouled, which, in almost all cases of momentary embarrassment, chased reason from her office, usurped her place, and decided as chance directed. Let every man examine the grounds of all his serious disappointments in life with candour, and he will find physical causes to which to assign them, without resorting to supernatural. For my part, when I hear a man say that he has been all his life pursued by ill-fortune, I directly conclude, that either he has been a blunderer, or those he dealt with, brutes. In the ordinary operation of earthly contingencies, mischances will happen; but an uniform life of mischance can only arise from mismanagement, or a very extraordinary chain of human injustice——
These reflections arose from the following incident:
I had procured a servant to attend me on my journey, who, from my short observation of him, promised to contribute very considerably to my comfort, my convenience, and, indeed, to my security as he was apparently honest, sincere, active and clever in his duty, and master of several languages, and particularly of the lingua Franca, a mixture of languages, peculiarly useful in travelling through the East. Finding that I was likely to be delayed at Trieste, and conceiving that in this interim letters from England, for which I most ardently longed, might have arrived at Venice for me, I imprudently and impetuously sent him to Venice, for the purpose of taking them up, and carrying them to me. But guess what must have been my feelings when I found, almost immediately after his departure, that the vessel was preparing to sail, and that I must either lose my passage or my servant: anxious though I was to get forward, and grievous though my former delay had been to me, I hesitated which to do; but prudence, for once, prevailed over inclination; and I determined, at all events, to depart, under all the embarrassment attending the want of a servant and linguist, and all the poignant feelings of having been accessary to the disappointment, and perhaps the injury of a poor fellow, whom I really conceived to be a person of merit. In our passage to Alexandria, we touched at Zante, an island on the coast of Greece, belonging to Venice: it was anciently called Zacynthus——is about fifty miles in circumference, and contains fifty thousand inhabitants. Never before had I tasted any thing equal to the delicious flavour of the fruits of this island—the grapes exquisite, and the melons and peaches of prodigious bigness and unequalled flavour. The island is abundantly fruitful in wine, currants, oil, figs and corn, but is very subject to earthquakes. Near the seaport which we entered is as great a curiosity in Nature as is any where, I believe, to be found. Two spring wells of clear fresh water threw up large pieces of real pitch, in such quantities, that, it is said, the people collect, one year with another, one hundred barrels of it, which they use in paying their shipping and boats.
In the first stages of melancholy, consolation is rejected by the mind, as premature. The heart, intent, as it were, upon supping full of woe, disclaims all advances of comfort, and feeds on grief alone. Hence the truly skilful in the human heart consider premature consolation as an aggravation of woe, and comfort only with condolence, well knowing that the tide of grief must take its course, and that, until it be first full, no hopes can be had of its retiring. The full force of this I began now to feel. The disquietude of domestic embarrassment——the bitterness of separation from all I loved——the solitary sadness of my situation, wandering through unknown countries——myself unknown and unfriended——aggravated; at length by the loss of my servant, who was a sort of prop to my spirits——and my being cast into a ship among a people, whose language I little understood, without any soul or one circumstance to mitigate my sorrow, or console me under it; all these, I say, had wound up my feelings to the highest pitch of fortune——More miserable I could not be when the Island of Zante received me, and, for the first time for a sad series of days, raised me with the transporting sound of an English voice.
I have promised, my Frederick, to give you a candid relation, in hopes that you will improve by it: but if I thought, that, on the contrary, any thing I said should tend to raise in your mind a sentiment injurious to your principles, or reflective on your father’s conduct, but to be an example and admonitory guide to your own, I should condemn my candour and curse the hour that I wrote——but, I trust to your good sense and disposition, with my care to direct them; and shall, but not without hesitation, proceed. But, as I have already spun out this Letter to such an extent, I will defer my further relation to another.