Looking upon him, Valerie could see that he was gazing between his fingers.
"I'm afraid to speak," he said uncertainly. His voice was trembling with excitement. "I'm afraid to go on. Don't think I haven't forgiven you. I have, Valerie. I did—oh, ages ago. But … we're skating on terribly thin ice—terribly thin. We must go frightfully carefully, Valerie. You've no idea how carefully." The girl stared at him. This was uncanny—as if he could read her thoughts. He went on breathlessly. "My dream, dear. This is what happened in my dream…. You reproached yourself in just the same handsome way. You used the same phrases." Valerie started. "And then—after all—something went wrong…. What it was, I don't know. I can't remember. And that's the trouble. I can't remember what happened. But it's been the same so far, and then—something went wrong…."
Valerie stood paralyzed. If Anthony was afraid to continue, she was terrified.
With an ungracious buzz the fat bee emerged clumsily from the tall blue flag and sailed noisily out of earshot. The sudden snap of jaws suggested that Patch, who was waiting patiently for the walk to proceed, forgave the flies no trespasses.
"You can't understand, dear. But you must take my word for it. I've trodden this way before. And presently—very soon now—there's a snare—a hole in the road. And if we go in, Valerie, it's—it's all up. I know it. It happened in my dream…. And I'm afraid to go on."
The tremulous misery of his tone wrung the girl's heart.
Instinctively she stretched out a hand.
Anthony recoiled with a cry.
"Don't! Don't touch me! I remember. You took my arm." Head back, he clawed at his temples. "That's right. And we started to walk. We had been standing. We started to walk back towards the cottage. And I felt absurdly happy—all of a sudden…. That was just before the end. And then—— Oh, if I could only remember…."
The agony of desire in his tone seared Valerie's brain into action. With a shock she realized that there she was standing like a dolt, quietly watching Lyveden cudgelling his brains for the password back to Insanity. Any second he might stumble upon it. For once, mercifully, his memory was sluggish—would not respond. And there he was flogging it, to extract that hideous fatal delusion that he was pledged to Gramarye….