Lydia leaned forward eagerly, the impulse to unburden herself overwhelming. “Oh, Paul is the best man—” she began, “so true and kind and—and—pure—but Harry, we don’t—we can’t—his business—” She turned away from her brother’s too keen eyes and stared blindly at the wall, conscious of an ache in her heart like a physical hurt.
Later, as they were talking of old memories, of Lydia’s childhood, Harry asked suddenly: “How’d you happen to give your little girl such a funny name?”
It was a question that had not been put to Lydia before. Her family had taken for granted that it was a feverish fancy of her sick-bed. She gazed at her brother earnestly, and was about to speak when he looked at his watch and stood up, glancing uneasily down toward the trolley track. It was too late—he would be gone so soon—like something she had dreamed. “Oh, I liked the name,” she said vaguely; adding, “Harry! I wish you could stay longer! There’s so much I should like to talk over with you. Oh, how I wish you’d never gone away.”
“You come out and see us,” he urged. “It’d do you good to get away from this old hole-in-the-ground! We live six miles from a neighbor, so you’d have to get along without tea-parties, but I bet Annie and the kids would give you a good time all right.”
He kissed Lydia good-by, tossed Ariadne high in the air, and as he hurried down the driveway he called back over his shoulder: “Take good care of my little niece for me! I tell you it’s the kids that count the most!” It was a saying that filled ringingly for Lydia the long, hot days of the quiet summer that ensued. As for Ariadne, she did not for months stop talking of “nice, laughy, Unkie Hawy.” Her fluency of speech was increasing out of all proportion to her age.
Whatever slow changes might be taking place in Lydia, went on silently and obscurely during that summer; but in the fall a new moral horizon burst upon her with the realization that she was again to become a mother. Another life was to be entrusted to her hands, to hers and Paul’s, and with the knowledge came the certainty that she must now begin to take some action to place her outer life more in accord with her new inner self. It would be the worst moral cowardice longer to evade the issue.
Thus bravely did she exhort herself, and, though shrinking with apprehension at the very thought of entering upon a combat, attempted to shame herself into a little courage.
When Paul heard of his wife’s hopes, he was enchanted. He cried out jubilantly: “I bet you it’ll be a boy this time!” and caught her to him in an embrace of affection so ardent that for a moment she glowed like a bride. She clung to him, happy in the warmth of feeling that, responsive, as always, to his touch, sprang up in her; and when in his good-natured, half-laughing, dictatorial way he made her lie down at once and promise to rest and be quiet, the boyish absurdity of his solicitude was sweet to her.
He disappeared in answer to a telephone call, and she closed her eyes, savoring the pleasure of the little scene. How she needed Paul to reconcile her to life! How kind he really was! How good! His was the clean, honorable affection he had promised her on their wedding day. If she were to have any faith in the novels she read (like most American women of the leisure class, her education after her marriage consisted principally in reading the novels people talked about), if there was any truth in what she read in these stories, she felt she was blest far above most women in that there had come to her since her marriage no revelation of a hidden, unclean side to her husband’s nature.
But Lydia had never felt herself closely touched by reading; it all seemed remote from her own life and problems. The sexual questions on which the plots invariably turned, which formed the very core and center of the lives of the various female characters, had, as a matter of fact, according to her honest observation of her acquaintances, a very subordinate place in the average American life about her. The marital unhappiness, estrangement, and fragmentary incompleteness in the circle she knew, over which she had grieved and puzzled, had nothing to do with what novels mean by “unfaithfulness.” The women of Endbury, unlike the heroines of fiction, did not fear that their husbands would fall in love with other women. The men of Endbury spent as little time in sentimentalizing over other men’s wives as they did over their own.