Lydia had set herself the task of getting down and sorting the curtains in the house, preparatory to sending them to the cleaner. Above the piles of dingy drapery, her face shone, as ’Stashie had noted, with a strange, feverish brightness. Her knees shook under her, but she walked about quickly. Ariadne ran in and out of the house, chirping away to her mother of various wonderful discoveries in the world of outdoors. Lydia heard her as from a distance, although she gave relevant answers to the child’s talk.
“It has come down,” she was saying to herself, “to a life-and-death struggle. It isn’t a question now of how much of the best in Paul, in me, in our life, we can save. It’s whether we can save any! How dirty lace curtains get! It must be the soft coal—yes, it is a life and death struggle—I must see to Ariadne’s underwear. It is too warm for these sunny days.—Oh! Oh! Paul and I have quarreled! And what about! About such sickeningly trivial things—how badly ’Stashie dusts! There are rolls of dust under the piano—but I thought people only quarreled—quarreled terribly—over great things: unfaithfulness, cruelty, differences in religion! Oh, if I only now had a religion, a religion which would—Yes, Ariadne; but only to the edge of the driveway and back. How muddy the driveway is! Paul said it should have more gravel—Paul! How can he come back to me after such—Madeleine says married people always quarrel—how can they look into each other’s eyes again! We must escape that sort of life! We must! We must!”
The thought of what she had hoped from her marriage and of what she had, filled her with the most passionate self-reproach. It must be at least half her fault, since she and Paul made up but one whole. As she helped ’Stashie sort the dingy curtains, she was saying over and over to herself that she was responsible, responsible as much as for Ariadne’s health. This conception so possessed her now that she felt herself able to accomplish anything, even the miracle needed.
To have achieved this state of passionate resolution gave her for a moment the sense of having started upon the straight road to escape from her nightmare; and for the first time since the door had slammed behind Paul she drew a long breath and was able to give more than a blind gaze to the world about her.
She noticed that, though it was after twelve o’clock, Ariadne had not been told to come to luncheon. When the little girl came running at her mother’s call, her vivid face flushed with happy play, Lydia knew a throb of that exquisite, unreasoning parent’s joy, lying too near the very springs of life for any sickness of the spirit to affect it. Like everything else, however, the touch of the child’s tight-clinging arms about her neck brought her back to her preoccupation. Ariadne must not be allowed to grow up to such a regret as she felt, that she had never known her father. There were moments, she saw them clearly, when Paul realized with difficulty the fact of his daughter’s existence, and he never realized it as a fact involving any need for a new attitude on his part.
“When is Daddy coming back to us vis time?” asked Ariadne over her egg.
Anastasia paused furtively at the door. She had had a divination of trouble in the last talk between her master and mistress. The door had slammed. Mr. Hollister had not called for the tie she was pressing for him in the kitchen—’Stashie told herself fiercely that “killing wud be too good for her, makin’ trouble like the divil’s own!” She listened anxious for Lydia’s answer.
“Daddy’s coming back to us as soon as his business is done,” said Paul’s wife. At the turn of her phrase she turned cold, and added with a quick vehemence: “No, no! before that! Long before that!” She went on, to cover her agitation and get the maid out of the room, “’Stashie, get the baby a glass of milk.”
“The front door bell’s ringin’,” said ’Stashie, departing in that direction, with the assurance of her own ability to choose the proper task for herself, so exasperating to her master.
She came back bringing Miss Burgess in her wake, Miss Burgess apologizing for “coming right in, that way,” exclaiming effusively at the pretty picture made by mother and child,—“She must be such company for you, Miss Lydia”—Miss Burgess, deferential, sure of her own position and her hostess’, and determinedly pleased with the general state of things. Lydia repressed a sigh of impatience, but, noting the tired lines in the little woman’s face, told Anastasia to make another cup of tea for Miss Burgess and cook her an egg.