A gentleman walking along Parliament-street, towards the Abbey, overtook a butcher who had a tray filled with sheeps’ heads on his shoulder; the butcher was humming a tune, and his lightheartedness induced the gentleman to observe to him, that he had more brains than most men. ‘Yes, Sir,’ said the butcher, ‘I am carrying them to the House of Lords.’ ‘Aye, aye,’ said a by-stander, they are very much wanted there.
Sir Isaac Newton was once riding over Salisbury plain, when a boy keeping sheep called to him, ‘Sir, you had better make haste on, or you will get a wet jacket.’ Newton, looking round, and observing neither clouds nor a speck on the horizon, jogged on, taking very little notice of the rustic’s information. He had made but a few miles, when a storm suddenly arising wetted him to the skin. Surprised at the circumstance, and determined, if possible, to ascertain how an ignorant boy had attained a precision and knowledge in the weather, of which the wisest philosophers would be proud, he immediately rode back, wet as he was. ‘My lad,’ said Newton, ‘I’ll give thee a guinea if thou wilt tell me how thou canst foretel the weather so truly.’ ‘Will ye, Sir? I will then,’ said the boy, scratching his head, and holding out his hand for the guinea. ‘Now, Sir,’ having received the money, and pointed to his sheep, ‘when you see that black ram turn his tail towards the wind, ’tis a sure sign of rain within an hour.’ ‘What! exclaimed the philosopher, ‘must I, in order to foretel the weather, stay here and watch which way that black ram turns his tail?’ ‘Yes Sir.’ Off rode Newton quite satisfied with his discovery, but not much inclined to avail himself of it or recommend it to others.
Military Manœuvre.—A few days since a gallant and distinguished military officer, who, though unlike Falstaff in one respect, possesses among other characteristics of that celebrated person, his facetious disposition, and goodness of heart, was passing along Deansgate, when he observed a crowd surrounding a shop door, and inquired the cause. He was told that an unlucky urchin had just fractured a pane of glass, and that the shopkeeper was detaining him in pledge for the payment of the damage. ‘How much is it?’ inquired the son of Mars.—‘Half-a-crown,’ was he answer.—‘Oh, is that all?’ rejoined the officer, and thereupon unbuttoned one of his breeches’ pockets which the unwitting shopkeeper considered as an indication that the money was forthcoming, and with this pleasing anticipation let off the boy, who was soon out of the way. The gallant tactician observing the success of his plan, and having now had his hand in his pocket a sufficient length of time, deliberately re-buttoned up his treasure, and with suitable nonchalance laughed and rode away, to the no small amusement of the spectators, who raised a loud shout at the painful expense of the disappointed tradesman.
Being in company, and the ‘Tuscan grape’ producing more riot than concord, Foote saw one gentleman so far gone in debate as to throw the bottle at his antagonist’s head, upon which, catching the missile in his hand, he restored the harmony of the company, by observing, that if the bottle was passed so quickly, not one of them would be able to stand out the evening.
A lady, seeing her lover running in great haste to meet her, observed to him, that he must be in a very great hurry to run so fast. ‘Madam,’ replied the lover, ‘I was following my inclination.’
THE WEEPING WIDOW.
Lady B——, who, in public, bewails her dead spouse,
While in private, her thoughts on another are turning;
Reminds us of lighting a fire with green boughs,
Which weep at one end, while the other is burning.