Tom. Well Paddy, and where did you go when you came to Ireland again?
Teag. Arra dear honey, and where did I go but to my own dear cousin, who was now become very rich by the death of the old buck his father; who died but a few weeks before I went over, and the parish had to bury him out of pity, it did not cost him a farthing.
Tom. And what entertainment did you get there?
Teag. O my dear shoy, I was kindly used as another gentleman, and would have staid there long enough, but when a man is poor his friends think little of him: I told him I was going to see my brother Harry: Harry, said he, Harry is dead; dead said I, and who killed him? Why, said he, death: Allelieu, dear honey, and where did he kill him? said I. In his bed, says he. Arra dear honey, said I, if he had been upon Newry mountains with his brogues on, and his broad sword by his side, all the death’s in Ireland had not have killed him: O that impudent fellow death, if he had let him alone till he died for want of butter milk and potatoes, I am sure he had lived all the days of his life.
Tom. In all your travels when abroad, did you never see none of your countrymen to inform you of what happened at home concerning your relations?
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, I saw none but Tom Jack, one day in the street; but when I came to him, it was not him, but one just like him.
Tom. On what account did you go a travelling?
Teag. Why a recruiting sergeant listed me to be a captain, and after all advanced me no higher than a soldier itself, but only he called me his dear countryman recruit; for I did not know what the regiment was when I saw them. I thought they were all gentlemen’s sons, and collegioners, when I saw a box like a bible upon their bellies; until I saw G for King George upon it, and R for God bless him: ho, ho, said I, I shan’t be long here.
Tom. O then Paddy you deserted from them?
Teag. That’s what I did, and ran to the mountains like a buck, and ever since when I see any soldiers I close my eyes, lest they should look and know me.