Tom. And what money design you to give the priest for your pardon?
Teag. Dear shoy I wish I had first the money he would take for it, I would rather drink it myself, and then give him both my bill and my honest word, payable in the other world.
Tom. And how then are you to get a passage to the other world, or who is to carry you there?
Teag. O my dear shoy, Tom, you know nothing of the matter: for when I die, they will bury my body, flesh, blood, dirt, and bones, only my skin will be blown up full of wind and spirit, my dear shoul I mean; and then I will be blown over to the other world on the wings of the wind; and after that I’ll never be killed, hanged nor drowned, nor yet die in my bed, for when any hits me a blow, my new body will play buff upon it like a bladder.
Tom. But what way will you go to the new world, or where is it?
Teag. Arra, dear shoy, the priest knows where it is but I do not, but the Pope of Rome keeps the outer-port, shaint Patrick the inner-port, and gives us a direction of the way to shaint Patrick’s palace, which stands on the head of the Stalian loch, where I’ll have no more to do but chap at the gate.
Tom. What is the need for chapping at the gate, is it not always open?
Teag. Dear shoy, you know little about it, for there is none can enter but red hot Irishmen, for when I call Allelieu, dear honey, shaint Patrick countenance your own dear countryman if you will, then the gates will be opened directly for me, for he knows and loves an Irishman’s voice, as he loves his own heart.
Tom. And what entertainment will you get when you are in?
Teag. O my dear, we are all kept there untill a general review, which is commonly once in the week; and then we are drawn up like as many young recruits, and all the blackguard scoundrels is pict out of the ranks, and one half of them is sent away to the Elysian fields, to curry the weeds from among the potatoes, the other half of them to the River sticks, to catch fishes for shaint Patricks table, and them that is owing the priests any money is put in the black-hole, and then given to the hands of a great black bitch of a devil, which is keeped for a hangman, who whips them up and down the smoky dungeon every morning for six months.