“Ha, ha,” said he, “its nae bairn’s play to be married, I find that already.” His mother-in-law came in and made up peace, went to a cooper, and got them a big wooden stoop to carry in their water.
MISFORTUNE II.
Next morning, John was sent to the Flesh-market an errand to his Father-in-law, who gave him a piece of flesh to carry home, and as he was coming out of the market, he saw six or seven of the flesher dogs fall on and worry at a poor country colly dog; “Justice, justice,” cries John to the dogs, “ye’re but a wheen unmannerly rascals, that fa’s a’ on ae poor beast, heth ye should a’ be put in the toubuoth, and ta’en to the bailies, and hanged for the like o’ that; its perfect murder;” and in he runs amongst the dogs, “And be hanged to you a’ thegither, What’s the quarrel? What’s the quarrel?” John flings down the flesh he had carrying, and grips the colly, who took John for an enemy too, and bites his hands till the blood followed, the whole of the tykes comes a’ on poor John, till down he goes in the dirt amongst their feet, and one of the dogs runs off with the flesh, so John went hame both dirty and bloody and without his flesh, told Girzy how it happened, who applied her old plaister, her Tangs and Tongue, made John to curse the very minister that married them, and wished he might ne’er do a better turn.
MISFORTUNE III.
Next morning, John was sent to the well with the great stoup to bring in water for breakfast; and as he was pulling the stoup out of the well, in he tumbles and his head down, the well being narrow, he couldna win out: some people passing by chance heard the slunge, cried, and ran to his relief, hauled him out half dead, and helped him into the house; and after getting a dry sark, he was comforted with the old plaister, her Tongue and hard Tangs.
MISFORTUNE IV.
Next day, she says, John, I must go to the market myself, for if you go you’ll fight wi’ the dogs, and let them run awa wi’ ony thing you buy: see that ye put on the pat, hae’t boiling again I come hame. John promised weel, but performs very badly. She’s no sooner gone, than he puts on the new pat without any water in it, and a good fire to make it boil, and away he goes to the unhappy well, fills his stoup, and sets it down to look at a parcel of boys playing at cat and dog, they persuaded John to take a game wi’ them, on he plays, till ane o’ the boys cries, Hey John, yonders your Girzy coming. John runs into the house wi’ the water, and the pat being red-hot on the fire, he tumes in the cauld water into it, which made the pat flee all in pieces, just as she was entering the door. John runs for it, and she runs after him, crying catch the thief, some persons stopped him; she comes up, and then she laboured him all the way hame, and he crying, “O Sirs, ye see what it is to be married!” The mither-in-law had to make up peace again, and he promised good behaviour in time to come.