Or with loud laughter made you roar
As he could do:
He had still something ne’er before
Exposed to view.’
In concluding this biographical notice of Dougal Graham, it will be appropriate to make one or two quotations which will give a full and just idea of his personality. Our author seems to have taken a portrait of himself—and through his modesty it is not too flattering—when he thus delineates John Cheap, the Chapman:—‘John Cheap the chapman, was a very comical short thick fellow, with a broad face and a long nose; both lame and lazy, and something leacherous among the lasses; he chused rather to sit idle than work at any time, as he was a hater of hard labour. No man needed to offer him cheese and bread after he cursed he would not have it; for he would blush at bread and milk, when hungry, as a beggar doth at a bawbee. He got the name of John Cheap the chapman, by his selling twenty needles for a penny, and twa leather laces for a farthing.’ Mr. Caldwell, of Paisley, told Motherwell that ‘Dougald was an unco glib body at the pen, and could screed aff a bit penny history in less than nae time. A’ his warks took weel—they were level to the meanest capacity, and had plenty o’ coarse jokes to season them. I never kent a history of Dougald’s that stack in the sale yet, and we were aye fain to get a haud of some new piece frae him.’ Dr. Cleland, on the information of Turner, an old Glasgow town-officer, was able to supply Motherwell with this notice:—‘When Turner was a boy of about ten years of age, Dougald was bellman, and being very poetical, he collected a crowd of boys round him at every corner where he rang the bell. Turner says that Dougald was “a bit wee gash bodie under five feet.”’ ‘John Falkirk’ is believed to have been a nickname assumed by, or applied to, Graham upon various occasions, and this description of him is prefixed to one of the editions of John Falkirk’s Cariches, published soon after his death:—‘John Falkirk, commonly called the Scots Piper, was a curious little witty fellow, with a round face and a broad nose. None of his companions could answer the many witty questions he proposed to them, therefore he became the wonder of the age in which he lived.... In a word, he was
‘“The wittiest fellow in his time,
Either for Prose or making Rhyme.”’
M‘Vean says:—‘Dougal was lame of one leg, and had a large hunch on his back, and another protuberance on his breast.’ Strang, referring to the portrait prefixed to the third edition of the History of the Rebellion, and reproduced in this volume, thus pictures Graham: ‘Only fancy a little man scarcely five feet in height, with a Punch-like nose, with a hump on his back, a protuberance on his breast, and a halt in his gait, donned in a long scarlet coat nearly reaching the ground, blue breeches, white stockings, shoes with large buckles, and a cocked hat perched on his head, and you have before you the comic author, the witty bellman, the Rabelais of Scottish ploughmen, herds, and handicraftsmen!’ But here is an even more graphic pen and ink portrait, some of the details, no doubt, filled in from imagination, but with the tout ensemble admirably preserved, and true to life:—‘It must have been a goodly sight to see Dougal in his official robes, the cynosure of every eye in the busy Trongate, or the life and soul of the company in Mrs. M‘Larty’s “wee bit public,” where he and his cronies were wont to quench their native thirst. He must, indeed, have been a grotesque figure. “A wee bit gash body under five feet high;” with a round, broad, red and much-seamed face; a prominent nose, truncated à la Punch; an Æsopian hump on one shoulder, and a large protuberance on one breast; legs of unequal length and peculiar shape; a long scarlet coat hanging down from the shoulders to the ground; blue breeches set off by white stockings, and large brilliantly buckled shoes: with an imposing cocked hat perched fiercely on one side of the massive head.’[8]
These word paintings, together with the two portraits given in this work, will afford the reader a most vivid conception of the appearance of the king of Scottish chapmen.