Pady. And where would you have them to go, but unto shaint Patrick’s palace, and then they may go down the back stairs into the garden of Eden, now called Paradise: ah! my dear shoy, this is the real fundamental truths of our Romish Religion, and a deep doctrine it is, but your Presbyterians and English churchmen will not believe it, and, by shaint Patrick, neither can I, until I see more of it come to pass.
Tom. And what manner of life does your priest ordain you to live in the world to come?
Pady. Arra, dear shoy, if I had money enough to buy pardons from our priest, I might commit all the lies forbidden in the holy books, as he gives them a toleration to lie and cheat all the world, but those of our own profession.
Tom. What, Pady, are you not to do as much justice to a Protestant as a Papist?
Pady. O my dear shoy, the most justice we are commanded to do to a Protestant, is to whip and torment them until they confess themselves in the Romish Faith, and then cut their throats that they may die believers.
Tom. What business do you follow after at present?
Pady. Arra, dear shoy, I am a mountain sailor, and my supplication is as follows,
PADY’S HUMBLE PETITION, OR SUPPLICATION.
Good Christian people behold me a man! who has com’d thro’ a world of wonders, a hell full of hardships, dangers by sea, and dangers by land, and yet I am alive, you may see my hand crooked like a fowl’s foot, and that is no wonder at all, considering my sufferings and sorrows: Oh! oh! oh! good people I was a man in my time who had plenty of the gold, plenty of the silver, plenty of the clothes, plenty of the butter, the beer, beef, and bisket. And now, now I have nothing: being taken by the Turks and relieved by the Spaniards, lay sixty-six days at the siege of Gibraltar, and got nothing to eat but sea wreck and raw mussels; then put to sea for our safety, cast upon the Barbarian coast among the woful wicked Algerines, where we were taken, and tied with tugs and tadders, horse-locks and cow-chains: then cut and custrate yard and testicles quite away, if you will not believe, put in your hand and feel how every female’s made smooth by the sheer-bone, where nothing is to be seen but what is natural. Then made our escape to the desert wild wilderness of Arabia: where we lived amongst the wild asses, upon wind, sand, and sapless ling. Afterwards put to sea in the hull of an old house; where we was tossed above and below the clouds, being driven thro’ thickets and groves by fierce, coarse, calm and contrary winds; at last, was cast away upon Salisbury plains, where our vessel was dash’d to pieces against a cabbage-stock. And now my humble petition to you good Christian people is, for one hundred of your beef, one hundred of your butter, another of your cheese, a cask of your bisket, a tun of your beer, a keg of your rum, with a pipe of your wine, a lump of your gold, a piece of your silver, a few of your halfpence or farthings, a waught of your butter-milk, a pair of your old breeches, stockings, or shoes, even a chaw of tobacco for charity’s sake.