Mith. Deed stir, I think there needs na be nae mair wark about it, I think when he’s gien the lazy hulke, the mither o’t, baith meal and groats[13] to maintan’t, ye need na fash him, he’s a dutifu’ father indeed, weel a wat, whan he feeds his bystart sae weel.
Mess John. Woman are you a hearer of the gospel? that ye reject the dictates of it, how come you to despise the discipline of the church? Is not offenders to be rebuked and chastised?
Mith. Yes stir, a’ that is very true, but I hae been three or four times through the Bible, and the New Testament, and I never saw a repenting stool in’t a’; then whar cou’d the first o’ them come frae, the Apostles had nane o’ them. But a daft history book tells me, that the first o’ them was used about Rome amang the Papists, and ay whan ony o’ them turn’d Whigs, they were put on a four neuked thing, like a yarn winnle blades, and rave a’ their gouls sindry till they turn’d Papists again: and then for anger they put them on a black stane or stool, in the mids o’ the kirk, and the seck goun about them, wi’ the picture o’ the de’il and Satan on’t, a sweet be wi’ us, we sudna speak o’ the ill thief in the kirk, but it is a mercy the minister’s here an’ he come, but that was the original of your repenting stools, and whan the whigs chas’d awa the Papist fouk out o’ this kintry, they left a wheen o’ their religious pictures, and the stool o’ repentance was amangst the spoil, but yese no get my bairn to set upon a thing as hich as a hen bawk, and ilka body to be glowring at him.[14]
Mess John. Woman I told you formerly that any who refuses submission to the government of the church, is liable to excommunication: and that we are to put the law in execution against adultery and fornication, or the sin thereof, lies partly on our head.
Mith. As for your sin of adultery, I have naething ado wi’t; I ken my son is a fornicator, and ye can neither mak him better nor war nor he is, there’s nae man can keep a standing in their ain hand, fortune I mean, if it be a sin let him confess’t, and forsake it, and wi’s pay the buttock-mail and mak nae mair about it.
Mess John. Goodwife you need not think your son will pass so, more than others that has been before him, he must actually come before the congregation three sabbaths before he be absolved from the scandal, and get the benefit of any church privileges like any other honest man.
Mith. Indeed Mess John, my son will never set his hips upon’t; if he maun come before you, I’se gar him stand a bit a back frae’t and hear what ye hae to say about fornication, twa harmless free bodies, passing their trials to see what they can do, ye that’s whigs may mak enough o’t, but I think na muckle about it.
Mess John. Woman you may go home and see what ye have to do; ye have a very bad tongue: it’s no you we are to take account of.
Mith. Ay, ay, ye that’s ministers and modest fouk may say sae, but if my son had tane as good tent o’ his tail, as I can do o’ my tongue, there had na been sae muckle about it, a wheen silly loons kens na what they were made for, or how to guide a thing whan they get it.