Jock. My wife stir a wae worth her, for the wives o’ our town an’ I hae gotten a waking night wi’ her; but wi hae gotten her turn’d and still’d again, she’s born a bra wally thumping stirra, he’ll herd the kye belyve to me an’ he had huggers on him, an’ am come to you to get a bit name to him.
Minister. A bit name to him John, if ye want no more but a name, ye may gie him that yourself.
Jock. Na but stir, I want baith the words and the water, what ye say to ither fouks say to me.
Minister. A but John you must give security or satisfaction, you’re a man under scandal.
Jock. What the muckle mischief stir, though under scandal or abune scandal, will ye refuse to chrisen my wean that’s honestly gotten in my ain wife’s bed beneath the blankets; caus I had a bystart, canna ye chrisen the weel com’d ane, let the bystart stand for its ain skaith without a name.
Minister. No John you have been too slackly dealt with, I’ll bring you to obedience by law, since you reject counsel.
Jock. A deed stir, I wad think naething to stan a time or twa on’t to please you, if there were nae body in the kirk on a uke day, but you an’ the elders to flyte a wee on me; but its war on a Sunday, to hae a’ body looking and laughing at me, as I had been coding the piese, suppen the kirn, or something that’s no bonny like pissing the bed.
Minister. A well John never mind you these things, come ye to the stool, its nothing when its over we cannot sae o’er much to you about it.
Upon Sunday thereafter John comes in with uncle Rabbies auld wide coat, a muckle great gray lang tail’d wig and a big bonnet, which cover’d his face, so that he seem’d more like an old Pilgrim than a young fornicator; mounts the creepy[25] with a stiff stiff back as he had been a man of sixty, every one looked at him, thinking he was some old stranger who knew not the stool of repentance by another seat, so that he passed the first day unknown but to very few, yet or the second it came to be known, that the whole parish and many more came to see him; which caused such a confusion that he was absolved, and got his children baptized the next day.
But there happened a tullie between the twa mother’s who would have both their names to be Johns, a weel, a weel says old John their father to the minister, deed stir ye maun ca’ the tean John an’ the tither Jock, and that will please baith these enemies o’ mankind.