Sawny. I think some o’ the fishers and her may mak it up.
Mat. A fisher laddie, hech the fishers has a better look out wi’ them, the fishers wad rather hae a pickle good baits to their hooks, and twa three bladders to their lines, then put up wi’ the like o’ her, a stinking pridefu’ jade, although I bore her, ay scraping and washing at hersel, pricking and prining, keeps her face ay like a Flanders baby, and no less nor ribbons and rings, and her shone made o’ red clouts; an’ de’il stick pride, when our auld goodum ran barefoot, and our gutchers gaed wi’ bare hips. Gie her a man, ill thief stap a gouk in her arse first, that it may cry cuckow whenever she speaks o’t; she can do naething but scour ladies piss pots, and keep clean the tirlie whirlies that hangs about the fire, heth she’s o’er gently brought up to be a poor man’s penny worth.
Hegh how co’ Sawny, an’ its e’en a great pity, for she’s a weel far’d lusty hissy, I had a great kindness for her.
Mat. A-well-a-wat she’s no lingle tail’d, she may be a caff-bed to a good fallow; but an thou had seen me at her age, I was a sturdy gimmer: there was na ane about a’ the Hyne or Dubby-side, cou’d lay a curpen to a creel wi’ me; the fient a fallow in a’ Fife, but I wad a laid him on the braid o’ his back, an’ a’ his gear upmost, I was a chiken to chatter wi’ indeed laddie, I had a pair o’ cheeks like a chapman’s arse, and a flank like an ox; sae had I een.
Sawny. Nae doubt co’ Sawny but ye had a pair o’ beefy buttocks, for your very cheeks hings like leather bags to this very day; but I’ll tell you what am gaun to tell you, do you think that your Kate wad tak me, an I wad come to court her.
Mat. Tak you laddie, tak you, a faith she’ll tak you, for she wou’d a tane a poor button thing of a half blind taylor, wartna me, a poor, bleir’d scabbit like creature it was, I seen the day I wou’d ha carried it in my pouch: wode I’se warrent her jump at you like a fish at a flee, wode I say tak you, an’ she winna tak you I’se tak you mysel; but she and I cust out the day, about her cockups and blackcaps, gard me say sae meickle o’ her, but she’s my sonsy dawty for a’ that, weel a wat she’s a weel natured lassie an’ she turn an ill-natured wife I canna tell.
Sawny. A we’ll then I’ll venture on her as she is, for my mither’s pleased, and ye’re pleas’d, an’ am pleas’d, an’ in she be pleas’d wode I am sure to get her, an’ the taylor has nae bridled her, or tane a trying trotty o’ her.
Mat. But Sawny man, I’ll tell you what we’ll do, I’ll hame and broach her the night on’t, an’ come ye the morn, we’ll make it fude fast in a wee time, so thou’s get mair tocher than a cramon, gamon to gamon, she has baith blankets and sheets, a covering and twa cods, a caff-bed and bowster, and hear’st thou me laddie, I have a bit auld hogger[38] an’ some thing in’t, thou’s get it when I die; but by my suth it will be the last thing that I will part wi’, I kenna what I may need yet, its an auld wife kens her wierd.
On this they paid their spout[39] and parted; but when Sawny came out he stoited and stagger’d like a sturdy stot, molash was chief commander, for he thought every body had two heads and four een and more noses than they needed; being sometime in the dark house, thought it was the morning of a new day, a hech said he, when was I a night frae my mither before, she’ll think I am put in the guard, tane wi’ the deel, or the doctors, or anse married, and wirking at the wanton wark o’ wean’s making.
Mat. Hute daft laddie, the soup drink’s in your head, this day and yesterday is a’ ae day, ye’ll be hame in bra’ time yet.