Preface.
John Cheap the chapman, was a very comical short thick fellow, with a broad face and a long nose; both lame and lazy, and something leacherous among the lasses: he chused rather to sit idle than work at any time, as he was a hater of hard labour. No man needed to offer him cheese and bread after he curst he would not have it; for he would blush at bread and milk, when hungry, as a beggar doth at a babee. He got the name of John Cheap the chapman, by his selling 20 needles for a penny, and twa leather laces for a farthing. He swore no oaths but one, which was, Let me never sin.
He used no imprecations, But let me never cheat nor be cheated, but rather cheat, &c.
He gave bad counsel to none but children, to burn the bonecombs, that their mother might buy another when he came again.
He never fought with any but dogs,[71] and the good wives daughters in their daffing, and that’s not dangerous.
Part I.
The following relation is taken from his own mouth, verbatim.
I John Cheap by chance, at some certain time, doubtless against my will, was born at the Hottom, near Habertehoy mill: My father was a Scots Highlandman, and my mother a Yorkshire wench, but honest, which causes me to be of a mongrel kind; I made myself a chapman when very young, in great hopes of being rich when I became old; but fortune was fickle and so was I; for I had not been a chapman above two days, until I began to consider the deep ditches, midden dubs, biting dogs and wiet sacks: And what comfort is it, says I, to lye in a cows oxter, the length of a cold winter night: to sit behind backs, till the kail be a cuttied up, and then to lick colley’s leavings.[72]