There was a Barber which always plagued Leper, calling him a Prick-the-Louse; Leper resolved to be even with him, so he goes and buys three sheep-heads, and sends for the Barber and told him, that there were three Southland gentlemen come to his house, who wanted to be shaved, and he assured him he would receive sixpence for each one of them, this good news made the shaver send for a dram; Leper was still praising them for quiet good natured gentlemen, so Leper takes him to the bed where the sheep-heads lay covered, and desired him to waken them, for they would not be angry, or say an ill word to him, the Barber lifts the covering and sees the sheep-heads, runs out cursing and swearing, and Leper crying after him, Sheep-head Barber.
The Barber resolved to be revenged on Leper, so when he was shaving Mess John, he tells him that Leper was the drunkenest fellow in the parish; so Mess John warns him to the session, Leper comes and says, What do you want with me, Sir? Come away Leper, says Mess John, I hear a bad report of you; Me, Sir! I am sure they were not my friends that told you that. Indeed, I am informed you are a great drunkard; I a drunkard! you have not a soberer man in your parish: Stay Sir, I’ll tell you how I lead my life: In the morning I take a choppin of ale, and a bit of bread, that I call my morning: for breakfast I generally take a herring and a choppin of ale, for I cannot sup brose like my lads; the herring makes me dry, so at eleven hours I take a pint; at dinner another pint; at four afternoon my comrades and I join, sometimes we are a pint and sometimes three choppins; at supper I take a bite of bread and cheese and a pint, and so I go to bed: Mess John says, It’s extravagant Sir, it’s excessive drinking, I allow you the one half of it for a quarter of a year; says Leper, I’ll try it, Sir, and come back and tell you. At the end of the quarter he draws out his account, and goes to Mess John, who was sitting with his elders in the session-house, and says, Sir, I have a demand on you: On me, Sir! Yes, on you, Sir; Don’t you remember you allowed me so much drink for a quarter of a year, and I want the money; Am I to pay your reckoning, Sir? You allowed it, and if you won’t pay it, I’ll take you before the Provost: The Elders advised him to pay it or he would be affronted: so Leper got the money: When he was at the door, he says, Sir, will ye stand another quarter? Get away, says Mess John, and don’t trouble me. Leper says, I’m sure you may, for I was always two-pence to your penny.
THE END OF THE SECOND PART.
THE GRAND SOLEMNITY OF THE TAYLOR’S FUNERAL.
[The edition here followed was published in the year 1816, without any mention of the place of issue. It contains also the two parts of Leper the Taylor. The full title is:—‘Fun upon Fun, or, the Comical Merry Tricks of Leper the Taylor. In two Parts. To which are added, The Grand Solemnity of the Taylor’s Funeral, who lay Nine Nights on his own Shop-Board, together with his Last Will.’ It has been collated with an edition published in 1820, and with another, apparently of English origin, without date. This chap-book, as has been explained in the Introduction, Vol. I., p. 48, is believed to be the third part of Leper the Taylor; and M‘Vean has given his sanction to the conjecture by entering it in his list of Opera Dugaldi. Upon a close study of the work, however, and after a careful comparison of it with the two parts of Leper the Taylor, the editor cannot avoid the suspicion that what appears in the following pages is not the bona-fide work of Dugald Graham. That suspicion is founded not only upon the almost entire absence of Scotticisms, but also upon the mention of some customs which were certainly not common in Scotland, such, for instance, as the presentation of a sprig of rosemary to each person at a funeral, and the corpse arrest. These were more prevalent in England. While that is so, the fact that the work forms a quite consistent conclusion to the other two parts, and that Dugald did not always run in the same groove, prevents the editor from pressing this suspicion to an extreme; and he contents himself with marking the authorship as doubtful.]