THE HISTORY OF HAVEREL WIVES, &c.
It is a certain old saying, That where women are conveen’d in crouds there can be but little silence; and some have acknowledged that it was a great bondage for them to hold their peace in the church: and where there is much talk by ignorant speakers, it is diverting for persons of understanding to hear them. Therefore we have furnished the public with a small collection of old wives noted sayings and wonders, which they relate happened in their own time, also what has been told them by their forefathers.
Two old wives (Maggy, and Janet) at their rocks, began their cracks as follows:
Janet. A dear Maggy, an how auld will ye be now, o’ it’s lang since I kend you.
Maggy. Indeed Janet that’s what nae body kens, for my father and mither had sae mony o’ us, they ne’er counted how auld ane o’ us was, they minded ay wha o’ us was born first, and wha was neist ane anither, and that was a’ that e’er we sought to ken about it; but I ha’e mind o’ the mirk Munonday.[121]
Jan. Hout, tout, woman, the mirk Munonday, I hae mind since there was nae Munondays at a’, and the Sabbath days was nae com’d in fashion, there was a day they ca’d Sunday came anes o’ the ouk for it, we kend ay whan it came, for my father cow’d ay his beard whan the bell rang, and then every body ran to the kirk it had ony thing ado, an it were to buy saut or shune, for the chapman chiels set up a’ their creims at the kirk-door, an the lasses wad a gotten keeking glasses, red snudes, needles, prins, elshin irons, gemlets, brown bread and black saep to buy, forby sweety wives things, and rattless for restless little anes; the men wad a bought pints o’ ale, an a gotten a whang o’ gude cheese to chow a’ the time a drinking o’t, hout, tout ay, they were braw markets on the Sundays i’ the time o’ Paepery,[122] we had nae ministers than but priests, Mess Johns, Black Friers, and White Friers, Monks, Abbots, and Bishops, they had nae wives, yet the best o’ them wad a spoken baudy language, and a kiss’d the lasses, fikle fyking bodies they ware, unko ill to please, they wad a baith curs’d fouk and bless’d them, just as ye pay’d them; a deed they were unco greedy o’ the penny, and pray’d ay to the dead fouk, and gard the living pay them for’t, and although they had play’d the loon wi’ a poor hizey she durst na speak o’t for her very life, for they cou’d gi’ ony body o’er to the de’il when they liket: They did not gar fouks learn to read and pray like our new ministers, but thump on your breast, strake your fingers o’er aboon your nose, tell your beads and rin bare-fit thro’ amang hard stanes, and cauld sna’.
Mag. A hech woman, an wad they a had carnal dealings wi’ the women, and they sae good and haly.
Jan. Hout ye daft woman, do ye think their goodness gelded them tho’ they had nae wives; there was a great sort o’ them it they ca’d cardonels, that ay when twa young bodies was married they bute to hae the first night o’ the bride.[123]